Yet more things

Lately, I've come to love two things: the new thing that is there and the old thing that isn't there anymore.

I bought a new thing that I love, a bicycle. A good one. One that's made out of carbon fiber. I love it a lot. I'm very satisfied that it's sitting there in the corner.

Then I sold some things that I never used. Guitar effects, a synth, a motorcycle. Now, I feel relieved that they aren't there anymore, clogging up the cupboards and gathering dust under the bed. It felt like taking a big dump. I'd like to have the minimal amount of stuff I can survive with. But quality stuff.

People and things

One of the things I remember about school is a teacher asking the question "which do you prefer, things or people" some 20 years ago. Possibly, I remember the incident because I was embarrassed to find out that I was the only one in the class who preferred "things"over "people".

I remember that at the time I was disappointed in people. Or probably very much in the turmoils of the teen age. Anyway, at later ages, the only sane answer to the question seems to be "people".

Lately, I've come to the conclusion, that, yes, people are more important than things, but however, things are very important too. You've got to have things, be interested about them, do things, talk about them with people. Otherwise life is uninteresting. A bunch of philosophers floating around in space would seem an uninteresting way of life. The things and the people are intertwined, interacting pieces of an universe.

Nerd rants

So fed up with Windows. Vista.

I just obtained a new, supercool device, a Garmin sports watch. A heart rate monitor and a GPS device in one package. I love it already. Everything's worked perfectly so far, but now I'm trying to get it to transfer data to my laptop. It's not going as it's supposed to go. I've tried a couple of things, and I'm a bit fed up already. So I open up the control panel, and it looks like this:



Yeah, I'm nearly 35, so I'm blind. I have to have cat-size icons so I can tell which item is which. Even though I manually change the view to 'Details' every time I have to open this friggin' thing. I like the 'Details' view because most of the stuff fits in and I don't have to scroll and the things are shown in neat alphabetical order so I can quickly find the item I'm looking for. But no, Windows just refuses to remember my preference, and shows me these huge, colourful blobs instead.

I mean, they're neat and all, and yes, it's nice that graphic designers have got work to do, but does anybody really focus on the icon? This is the control panel, it's pretty technical stuff and I, for one, focus on the text below the image to find the thing I'm looking for. I mean, I'm a software engineer, and I don't know what the 'iSCSI Software Initiator' does. Why the hell is it on my laptop anyway? Who the hell knows the icon to it by heart? Who the hell thinks there ought to be an icon? Icons are good, when you want to distinguish Word documents from PDF documents in a folder. But, you don't make an operating system easy to use by designing icons for complex functionalities and then forcibly wrapping them around the faces of unwilling users.

I actually feel sorry for the poor graphic designer who had to design the icon for 'Internet settings'. It's got an Earth, not unlike a dozen of the icons in this view, and a, ooh I get it, a dialog box with some check boxes. Yeah. I wouldn't have guessed without the text underneath it though, that by clicking this picture, I actually get to set the Internet settings. Is there a way to hide the text? I can't find it. But if there was, things would really get interesting.

So please, Bill Gates, the next time, remember my preference. I want to see text. Just so I can find stuff. Like this:



And another thing. In Windows 2000 the 'find in files' functionality of file system search worked. In Vista it doesn't. How the hell can this be possible?

Just try it. If you dare. If you have Vista. It even sounds like some kind of a contagious disease. Yeccch. Like this:
1) create a text file in any folder, named 'test.txt', containing e.g. the word 'ville'
2) copy the file to the same folder with a different file extension, e.g. 'test.pkb'
3) search the folder for the string 'ville'.

I claim that you can't make Windows Vista to find the file 'test.pkb'. Not by using the advanced search options, not by indexing the file, no way. It just doesn't work. In Windows 2000 it worked fine, the search functionality could find strings from binary files, no problem.

And I'm not complaining just because nerds like to do that. I really need this function in my work. It's not a rare situation that I need to find out where a certain procedure is called from, and the only way to do that is to search the file system.

Yeah, I know there are options. There are programs that can search the file system better than Windows. I just find this a horrific flaw in the basic functionality of an operating system.

Oh. And BTW, when reproducing the test case I described earlier, I just found out that now the Vista file search finds the string 'ville' in every file in the test folder.

MUTINY!

(is Mac any better?)

The times, the times

There are times you want to listen to Coldplay. There are times you want to listen to Dimmu Borgir.

There are times you want to buy an apartment. There are times you want to sell one. There are times you want to do both at about the same time.

Times when you buy a motorcycle, thinking that it's the coolest thing there is to do. Times when you sell the motorcycle. Thinking that it's not so important now, it's been 10 years there sitting in the barn, without nobody driving it. Better that somebody drives it, an enthusiast. I'd rather ride a bicycle now. Because I'm not going anywhere far away, and I like to burn spaghetti instead of gasoline.

Times when you play the bass, times when you play the guitar, times when you play with nothing except the FruityLoops software. Times when you think that being a musician is the only possible career option there is, times when you don't even think about music, except learning a song from the childrens' show that's on each morning. Times when you see how right you've been, and how wrong you've been. Times you realise that it's about the perspective.

There've been times when I've been very lonely. When I've craved attention, a lot. From about anybody. There've been times when I've craved for solitude. Oh boy, there's been a lot of those times lately. The balance might be tipping at about now. If you count only the time, not the intensity. And after some decades, when the offspring have left home, it might tip the other way again. Of course, there'll be about a decade of celebrating the new freedom, in the meantime. But I'm getting way ahead now.

There are times when you think that Mad Max II: The Road Warrior is the greatest movie there is. And then again, uhh. Well, it still is, isn't it? Ok, some things persevere. And that's good.

Perhaps, the thing that I wanted to say, is: it's not the times that change, as they keep on saying, it's you that changes. And by you, I mean myself. And you also. Clear?

Times when you want to write the blog, or whatever, times when it's not a question about what you want, instead of about what you have to do. Might be weeks or months, the times. Patience might be required. But if there's a hole, in the tight schedule of all the things that need to be taken care of, I will write a tiny post, while consuming a couple of doses of alcohol. I enjoy that a lot. I hope that reading all of this, to the end of the very last sentence, is not an insurmountable pain for you. You're not skipping paragraphs in hope of finding a punch line, aren't you?

There isn't one.

Vater-Maschine

"Watching John with the machine, it was suddenly so clear. The Terminator would never stop. It would never leave him, and it would never hurt him, never shout at him or get drunk and hit him or say it was too busy to spend time with him. It would always be there, and it would die to protect him." --Linda Hamilton, "Terminator 2"

I've been a father for nearly three years now. It's a very responsible position to be in, but also a very rewarding one. There is an untold number of books on the difficult subject of parenthood, some of which I've read. Ok, I'll be honest. I've skimmed through a couple, read a couple whole chapters of one or two and ignored a truckload.

Just like on any complex subject, there are a whole lot of tips for specific situations you can learn from books. However, the gist of it can, and should, be condensed to a set of simple rules that can be applied in complex every day situations, which sometimes change astonishingly fast. This is the set I'm trying to use:

1) Have discipline. I'm the boss and I define the rules (where I = myself and the wife). The kid has to know it and adapt to it.
2) Do what the terminator would do. Have infinite patience. Don't get embarrassed about anything. Whenever you have to, stand guard in the window through the night, while the family is sleeping, with a sawn-off shotgun on your shoulder.

I'm serious. Of all the guides on parenthood in the world, the movie Terminator 2: Judgment Day is perhaps the one that has touched me the most.

Random news

Good evening. This is George Truly and today's news, possibly even the weather, if there's time. Oh, there is? Oooookay. We'll make something up. And by the way, I planned to wear pants this time, but it just felt so, you know, unnatural. So no pants this time either. But on to today's news.

Writer's block

A noted blog writer, also known for his striking handsomeness, suffered from writer's block. So instead of a serious entry, he decided to do a "funny" "news" item, for the crapillionth time. Yawn.

Political strategy revealed

The Finnish prime minister has been under heavy pressure because his party suffered a defeat in the communal election lately. Also he's been heavily criticized by many for daring to suggest solutions to problems. Today he revealed the new strategy for his party in an interview: spinelessness and outright lying. "We'll promise anything the voters want. Anything! For instance, I usually promise either lower and higher taxation, depending on the situation. Then I'll just weasel out of it later, somehow", he was quoted saying.

Lex Nokia effective

The Finnish communications minister, supposedly an expert in matters related to information society, couldn't be reached for a comment about Lex Nokia last week. Today it was revealed that it was because she was a victim of an unfortunate series of accidents. First, her mobile phone dropped in the toilet. When she tried to rescue it, her palmtop fell in too. Then her hand got wedged in with the two appliances so that she was stuck in the toilet. She was stuck for several days and was only discovered incidentally by a cleaner because, for some reason, her expertise wasn't required by anybody for anything.

Economy plunge

The economy continued to plunge. Sadly, hardly any suit-wearing scamps calling themselves "investment bankers" were kicked in the nuts by the authority despite badly deserving it.

Nobel scandal

A well-known blog writer was harshly denied by the Nobel academy when he proposed a new Nobel Prize for achievements in besserwisserism. This was considered unjust by the famous writer, humbly willing to appear anonymous, because he knew everything.

The weather for investment bankers

Climate will continue to be pleasant in the comfort of your SUV for some time. However, the angry masses will soon rise from the horizon, tear you out of the disgusting, over-priced, polluting, paid-for-by-a-scam vehicle and hang you naked from a lamp post. Which, objectively, serves you right.

The weather for angry masses

The short-term weather forecast for angry masses shows lots of turmoil, tear gas and bricks flying around. Some truncheoning by the pigs is likely too. However, it will get calmer later, and by the way, the moral justice is on your side.

The weather for the upper lower middle class

The climate in your suburbian sauna will continue to be nicely warm and humid. The comforting glow of your flat screen TV, along with the depressives offered by your local will continue to sedate you just nicely so you don't have to worry about anything. However, beware of the political awareness rising from the horizon, which might turn you into angry masses.

Les music videos

Regarding the previous post: I kind of knew that it's stupid to link to YouTube videos, because they'll get deleted in time. And the time in which that happened this time was surprisingly short. I'd like my blog writings to have an ageless quality to them, and obviously non-working links seriously undermine that ambition. But I just couldn't resist the temptation. And I can't resist it now, either, so check out this video by the coolest guy that ever lived:

Hair metal

It's a widely accepted fact that music achieved perfection in the early 80's, when hair metal was invented. I consider myself lucky because early 80's also happens to be the time when, at about the tender age of 10, I first became interested in music. It's also possible that early 80's hair metal is widely considered crap and I just happen to like it because incidentally I was surrounded by it at the time the aesthetic sense of an individual is carved in stone, which happens at the age of 10. Right?

Anyway, lately I've time travelled a lot by listening to my early favourites. It's been very interesting because some of them have, in a way, been buried in a time capsule for decades. I mean that there are artists that I listened to a lot when I was, say, 12, and then forgot about them for some 20 years. When I listen to them now it's all in the spine, buried somewhere but instantly recognizable. I just listened through the album "Theatre Of Pain" by Mötley Crüe for the first time in 20 years, and it just felt very familiar and comforting.

So, for your, and mine entertainment, here's the top 13 of the childhood favourites of Yours Truly, as seen some 20 years later. The entries are in no particular order.

1) Ozzy Osbourne: Ultimate Sin (1986)

Musically great, although I can't tell why. Ozzy just somehow manages to sound great even while sounding like shit. The 8o's style stuff in the video is just great. Ozzy's clearly been batshit insane for decades while managing to get on just fine, and therefore must be some kind of a Zen master. The glittery bee-coloured dressing gown is just hideous though. Also check out Lightning Strikes from the same album, which too is pure gold.

2) Anthrax: Among The Living (1987)

Although, scientifically speaking, not strictly hair metal, Anthrax do have a lot of hair and they play metal. And I love them. To me, they, in a way, opened a new leaf in music. Before listening to Anthrax, I'd had no idea that music can be so complex, interesting, scary, funny and extreme. And guys not wearing make-up was kind of refreshing after listening to tons of real hair metal (or tights metal is it called?). Compared to extreme metal of today, they now sound kind of sloppy and lightweight and somehow cute. That's progress for you. But I wouldn't exchange them for anything.

3) Mötley Crüe: Home Sweet Home (1987)

Surprisingly, in the last few weeks I've found that Mötley Crüe is musically great. They often seem to be publicly dismissed as crap that's somehow managed to sell 80 million records worldwide. I must say that I've thought that way also. But lately when I've returned to old Mötley records after a long Mötley-free period, I've been surprised of how great this stuff is. The songs are just incredibly catchy, the sounds and the not-too-skilled playing fit them perfectly and each member of the group is a perfect rock cartoon character. If I had a time machine, my first stop would be a 1987 Mötley Crüe gig.

4) Poison: Every Rose Has It's Thorn (1988)

Yuck. I listened to this? Without puking? Pathetic, pompous crap, although I must admit there's a certain catchiness to this.

5) Ratt: Round And Round (1984)

Oh no, it's getting worse. These guys have all the hair and pompousness of Poison but none of the songs. There doesn't seem to be a single Ratt song that I recognize even though I definitely remember listening to their cassettes a lot in a certain period. And Ratt is not a very glamorous name either. They could have named themselves Crapp to begin with.

6) Deep Purple: Perfect Strangers (1984)

Deep Purple shouldn't perhaps be considered hair metal because they've been around from the paleolithic age (do they still exist?). Anyway, I distinctly remember listening to the Perfect Strangers album a lot while reading a scifi book (I forget which one) in about '85. The combination made me feel very futuristic. And this song is still great as ever. The musicians don't look futuristic though, in fact they look like the dinosaurs they are.

7) Kiss: Tears Are Falling (1986)

Oh look, it's the great-grandfathers of hair rock, Kiss! Of course, in 1984, they'd already been around for 30 years or something, but to me this is the best Kiss period. I definitely remember seeing a music video for this song in the 80's, with neon-coloured long coats and all, but I couldn't find it now.

Now that I think of it, I remember sitting in a train, listening to the Asylum album on the headphones, wearing sunglasses, at about 12 years old. My grandmother was sitting at the seat behind me. I didn't want to sit beside her because it wouldn't have been cool, travelling with your grandmother. I wanted to be cool then. I feel ashamed now.

8) David Lee Roth: Yankee Rose (1986)

I still don't get the beginning of the video. Dave must have consumed more cocaine than all of Mötley Crüe combined. I vaguely remember being uneasy about all the sexual references in this video as a kid, but otherwise I thought it looked real cool, with all the glitter and such. But I suppose that shortly after this Dave began deteriorating, you know, getting bald, old and insane. No wonder, because he must have been at least 45 or something in this video. Also, I suppose that this must be of the most listenable stuff that Steve Vai ever did. Although I wouldn't know, because I don't listen to that kind of crap.

9) Judas Priest - Turbo Lover (1986)

I remember being confused about this. Now this was supposed to be a heavy metal group, but the music was clearly influenced by sissy music, which anything made with synthesizers was considered then (an example: Modern Talking: You're My Heart, You're My Soul). Anyway, after a couple of listens, I remember liking this. I like the Modern Talking song too, now, therefore I'm a sissy.

10) Iron Maiden: Stranger In A Strange Land (1986)

Oh, the kicks I got just staring at the Somewhere In Time LP cover. There was always a new small detail to be discovered. Very futuristic. Futurism suggests change. Iron Maiden, perhaps paradoxically, resists change. The stay the same, year in, year out. But they have a perfectly valid excuse for that: they know they've perfected music in the early 80's, therefore they keep churning out more of the same old same old, and touring, forever.

11) W.A.S.P.: Blind In Texas (1985)

In 1985, W.A.S.P. seemed so scary at first, that I wasn't sure if I could start liking them. I overcame my fear and did like them, but now this seems a bit crap. The music is not very innovative, the singing style's just annoying and to be honest, Blackie jumps around like some kind of a demented ballet dancer.

12) Twisted Sister: I Wanna Rock (1984)

They couldn't have made it any clearer. Authority sucks, heavy metal rules. With this video, Twisted Sister managed to make an entire generation of kids politically aware. Or if not, at least the most of us who've become very normal upper lower middle class citizens might sometimes remember Dee Snider and his weird looking gang because they had a cool video, didn't they? But not very often.

13) Def Leppard: Animal (1988)

I still wonder: how can guys with such stupid hair cuts have such an overproduced, finely-tuned sound? Even though it might be crap, you've got to admit that it's very well polished crap. Which they say couldn't be done.

An ode to a practical domestic appliance

Got a dishwasher some time ago, and now I can't believe, understand, or comprehend, that we, a family including a kid, survived for over two years without one. It's a, or possibly the, thing that has greatly improved the quality of our lives lately. Our financial situation has improved, we've gotten a better car, we live in an apartment with a sauna now, the wife has finally graduated. Several things have gotten better lately. But there's nothing I like better than not washing the dishes every f***ing night. I just load the machine, humming to the chorus of "Whatever" by Oasis to myself (you know, "I'm freeeee-ee..."), turn it on and the rest takes care of itself. I only have to scrub the kitchen surfaces, vacuum a little bit, clean up the toilet, do the laundry, water the flowers, gather up the toys and whatnot from the floors, take out the trash, newspapers, cartons and such, wipe off some dust, arrange the bookshelfs in an alphabetical order, straighten out the strings at the ends of the carpets, line up every object in the household neatly in straight angles, and then I can have a sweet, peaceful 15 minutes of free time before going to bed.

Seriously, before the dishwasher came, the dishes really had to be washed every night. I don't understand it either. There's only three of us, but every night every single container in the household had somehow gotten dirty and piled in the sink. And there are several sets of dishes in the household. You know, I like washing the dishes just as much as I like vacuuming, it's a satisfying chore where you really get to see the results of your work, but I don't want to do it every single night. It had just gotten ridiculous. Both me and my wife were really stressed about washing the dishes. There really isn't much romance left when you've woken up early, worked for 8-10 hours, gotten home via the kindergarten, prepared dinner, then spent a couple of hours with a two year old tornado and finally gotten him to sleep. Usually, we just managed to lie down on the sofa in front of the TV like two grouchy, bickering logs, the other with a largish branch protruding from the middle section in a 90 degree angle.

Neither of us can relax in a messed up household. If there's a mess of any significance, I have a strong urge to tidy it up, and the wife has a strong urge to make me tidy it up. I guess that she has to be the smarter one.

But yeah, have I already mentioned that I love the dishwasher? Wait, I'll just have to go and give it a kiss... Although our household now consumes more electricity than before, I'm willing to pay for it. If it needed to be fed 20 € bills in order to function, I'd do it. I don't know whether it's less ecological to wash the dishes by machine than by hand or not. According to my very vague understanding, the machine might even consume less water than myself (even if you count beer as water) when doing the dishes. I did choose an AAA machine, intentionally. But if there are any green besserwissers willing to challenge me on the matter, feel welcome to do so, in the boxing ring. I think I can beat most of you up, if I have to. You're usually miserably puny, aren't you?

And finally, I'd like to include a non-ode to a non-practical domestic appliance which also lately came into my possession, or a negative review about the appliance, if you will. Because I can't believe the magazine Tieteen kuvalehti managed to swindle me again. I mean, some months ago they sent me an offer for two magazines and a gift for a measly sum (like 6 € or so). The gift was a wireless audio transmitter/receiver that you can use to hook up your computer and stereo wirelessly. Like a nerd sucker I fell for it. It took for about three months for the gift to appear in the mail, during which I'd already received and paid for several full-priced copies of the magazine, because of course I forgot to cancel the subscription of the magazine at the earliest opportunity. And the appliance ate batteries like crazy and was therefore unusable. It took some fiddling and adjusting to make it work, and then it only worked for about a couple of hours before the batteries ran out. I got fed up, went to the nearest hypermarket, got a lengthy enough RCA cable (for about 10 €) and used that to hook up the computer and the stereo. And that setup works perfectly, without any fiddling. And now I have a useless, overpriced piece of battery-eating, environment-destroying plastic and wiring sitting in my closet. I guess I should just mail it back to Tieteen kuvalehti.

Might I mention that the first time the same magazine swindled me was with a similar offer, except the gadget was a "wireless weather station". It also required batteries, which usually cease to work outside the apartment in the temperatures of the Finnish winter, and apparently had some other issues too, because it just refused to work after a couple of weeks, despite changing the batteries.

I don't even like the magazine that much. Flicking through an issue might provide enough entertainment for a lengthy session on the toilet seat, but for a session of slouching on the couch, I'd rather read a Me Naiset instead. Don't ask why, I can't figure it out myself. Something to do with emotions and stuff, of which, as a man, I don't know nothing about.

RIP Pekka Pohjola

Today I, as well as the many of us, were saddened by the news that the greatest composer and bass player of all time, Pekka Pohjola, had passed away. Notice that I'm stating the terms "greatest" and "of all time" as facts instead of opinions. That's intentional.

I'm not a prog rock enthusiast, I'm not a professional bass player, or any good at it. I just love his music. I'm disappointed that I never got to see him play live. I can't tell if his life was too short or not. I know that he never sucked, as many musicians tend to do when they pass their prime. He seemed to be drawn towards a particular type of a synthesizer sound in the 80's, which doesn't seem to age well, but I can live with that. This is the only complaint I can think of about his music.

Now this was a guy that composed music that could bring a hard man, such as yours truly, to tears. This is music that will expand your consciousness if you hadn't heard it before. When you watch the video above, remember that the bass player is the guy who wrote the music, and where the plentiful credit is due. He's not a guy who takes the center stage, but he's the guy you should watch.

I haven't listened to all of his albums, but I know what I like. Wait, I don't. I can't tell whether I like Visitation or Keesojen Lehto the best. They're both amazing albums. They ought to have the song "Try to remember" from Visitation playing in his funeral. That's what I'd like to have playing in mine.

Petty, devastating annoyances

Today I decided to indulge myself. I work in a noisy open office, so I decided to purchase quality headphones of the closed kind. Big ones, because I want headphones not only to sound good, but also to convey a message: I'm working, I'm trying to insulate myself from all the noise and fuss, so don't bother me. You know, you got to have quality headphones when you spend eight hours each day listening to music. I don't necessarily want to spend eight hours each day listening to music, I'm forced to do it because I need to concentrate. It's easier to concentrate while listening to music than listening to coworkers conversating and socializing. They're not supposed to socialize too much in an open office either, because it bothers coworkers, but they do it anyway. Stupid lack of discipline.

Anyway. I went to a small shopping centre two kilometres from where I live, because there's a computer shop there that sells quality headphones at a reasonable price. I had my kid with me. At the store I went directly to the headphone rack, compared a few models, made a decision and went to the counter. It took me all of a 2.5 minutes to do that. But at the counter there was a line of about six nerds and two clerks serving them. I stood in the line for about half an hour, trying to keep my kid calm, while listening to nerds buying computers one component at a time. They'd ask the clerk to recommend a video card, who'd find the available video cards on his computer. Then they'd discuss and compare the merits of each model and possibly agree on the model the nerd would like. Then the clerk would go to find the video card from the store or possibly the back room. Then he'd come back and ask if the nerd would like to have anything else. The nerd would then name the next component he needed. It went on and on. There are many components in a computer. There are many nerds.

I was only one nerd away from purchasing the headphones, but I had to give up. My kid was getting restless and so was I. I took the headphones back to the rack and walked out of the store. The nerd was probably a more valuable customer than I, because he bought equipment for, say, 600 €. But in the time that it took the clerk to service him, 20 guys could have walked in and purchased 30 € headphones each, had there been a counter where purchasing items had been made efficient. All the store would have to do is to separate customer service and the counters. Now the customers who know what they want and want to get it quickly have to stand in line, annoyed, for a long time, tapping their wrists impatiently, and the customers who want customer service have to explain their needs to the clerks in front of an annoyed, wrist-tapping crowd.

So I came back home and ordered the headphones from another computer shop in another city via internet. They'll be delivered by mail and I'll have to fetch them from the post office, which is actually as far away as the shopping centre. But at least in the post office there will not be a bunch of nerds blocking my way. There might be a few grannies, but at least they're usually faster, and stronger, than nerds. They also have a more pleasant odour, might I say.

Oh, and also, there weren't any frozen Karelian pasties in the grocery store. What kind of a grocery store doesn't have frozen Karelian pasties these days? A crappy one, I tell you.

Yes, I do realize that I'm a spoiled brat for complaining of petty matters like these.

That's all.

Why Facebook rules

In the nineties, when I was in my early twenties, I wanted to become a musician. At the time (and still), one of my biggest influences was Mansun, and especially the lead singer/songwriter/producer of the band, Paul Draper. I loved his music. I admired his style. I aspired to be like him. I had secret daydreams of him producing my to-be groundbreaking, legendary first album (still yet to appear).

Well, guess what. This week I became a close, personal friend of Paul's. That is to say, I sent him a friend request in Facebook (because his web pages told me that it's okay to do so), and he accepted it. I enclosed a short message, in which I shyly praised his music, and he responded by thanking me for the friend request. And like a little girl, I'm still somewhat dizzy, giggling and blushed because my idol sent me a personal message, which he actually wrote (or possibly partly copy-pasted), with his own fingers, in his secret musical laboratory, which must be among the greatest places on earth.

Now I can see updates on his Facebook activities, and he can see mine. This is beneficial for both of us. If you excuse the marketing parlance, he can market his products to the likes of me, the consumers. And I get information on his products, which I really want to get, unlike most of the advertising I receive. Also, I get kicks. It makes me feel comfortable to see that he just updated his status or did something else online. I get the feeling that he's out there, and if I yank my network cable his Mac (or possibly PC) will fall of the table. Oops. Better to not yank it. Might accidentally destroy the hard drive containing all of his recordings, which would have been the greatest yet.

All of this applies also to less famous Facebook friends. I can communicate with them in both passive and active ways. I can put things about me on display for others to discover, or I can actively contact other people in numerous ways. I can send messages, invite people to events, join or create groups or participate in silly online games. It's easier and more fun to communicate with friends in Facebook than by email.

Some hundred years ago, there was a cranky old guy (possibly a relative of mine) sitting in a Finnish sauna, objecting to pen and paper. "Why should I learn these new things when I can just go to the neighbour's and sit silently over coffee with them there?"

And then again, some ten years ago, there was a cranky young guy sitting in a Finnish sauna (it was me), objecting to cellular phones. "Why should I learn these new things when I can just go and ring my friends' doorbell and sit silently over coffee with them there?"

Today, there's a cranky guy (Tuomo, I'm talking about you) sitting in a Finnish sauna, objecting to Facebook. "Why should I...", you know.

Well, you should learn it, Tuomo, because it's inevitable. In the future, there will be a means of communication which will replace telephone, email and whatnot. It will be Facebook or some other network thing. You can't escape it, so embrace it.

Information overflow

As you probably have noticed, there's too much information coming in from various channels and media today. More, much more than anyone can consume. Besides the established media, there's the internet, where any moron can publish their thoughts 24/7, or even more often. Anybody with access to a computer can meander on aimlessly forever, providing no real information whatsoever. They can go on and on and on and on, producing non-informative, incoherent rambling. Billions of pictures, web pages, blogs, words, characters, pixels and bits flowing in and out of your eyes, ears, fingers and other organs.

So, as a philanthropist, I'll relieve your pain slightly, and not write any more today.

Boring reads

Because my earlier attempt at art critique was so well received and hugely popular (4 comments, 3 of which weren't written by me), here's some more. Today I'll be reviewing the art of the written word and, true to the theme of this blog, concentrating especially on boring stuff.

Grocery store receipt, dated 22.5.2008, amounting to 34,55 €

This is nice, compact read, suitable length for a bus ride, for example. The format is nicely small and lightweight. When folded it fits in your shirt pocket, or you can even swallow it without too much pain, if you must, to hide your shameful shopping history. The content is maybe not quite lengthy enough to count as truly boring, but the repetition (milk carton x 3, baby food x 12) is a good attempt.

Insurance advertisement billboard

The ad, as seen through the bus window while stopped at the traffic lights and, by chance, while looking up from your grocery store receipt, is kind of too lame and conservative to really catch your eye, but you try to read it anyway. The slogan is instantly forgettable, and the small text at the bottom is too small and lengthy to be read from a bus window. Therefore this doesn't really qualify as boring, but bonus points on the lameness of the information which manages to flow through your brain without ever really registering.

Text message feedback column of local free news magazine

"Dog owners, clean up your pet's droppings, or else...", "Dog haters, stop complaining about dog s**t, or else..." and "12.5. Hotel Vantaa, moustached hunk in a woollen sweater, I miss you and can we meet again? Yours 4ever, chick with black and white hair and considerable love handles.". These and many more can be found among the gems in the free magazine found on the bus seat. None of the items contains any useful information, but sadly, they are the only part of the magazine you can be bothered to read, because you've already read the actual news in the morning from a real newspaper. Great points on the boring, but it is kind of interesting to imagine what the lives of the miserable losers bothering to write this useless crap must be like.

Microwave meal ingredient list

Rice starch, carrot (0.1 %), artificial essence, E241... Mmm... E241. The list of ingredients in the carton of your microwave meal starts as boring, although incomprehensible, but a shocking turn of events awaits at the end: can this 250 g blob of delicious sustenance really contain 310 g of pure fat?

Bus schedule

The bus schedule might not be your primary choice of quality literature to enjoy on an autumn evening in a comfy chair with a snifter of cognac, but it could happen. For example, a fire might destroy all of your personal belongings except your comfy chair, bus schedule, snifter and bottle of Courvoisier. Should that happen, I think you'd be pleasantly surprised. The information provided by the bus schedule is definitely very boring, but ever so useful. Did you know that the 734 goes to Ånas?

Phone book

Now this is the classic boring read. The big book of boring. Generation after generation has been put to sleep by the comforting, indigestible information provided by the phone book. How will the future humans survive, when the phone books have been made obsolete by the mobile devices and the Internet? I mean, you can always make your computer read out loud the Internet version of the phone book, but I know I'll sure miss the comforting weight and smell of the thousands of inky pages on my face while snoring away.

Join Me For Life

Even though I mostly listen to MOR when scrubbing the floors (and so should you), the repertoire of the popular Finnish music group HIM includes several quite snappy tunes. Their biggest hit, Join Me In Death, is really catchy and has the capability to make my feet tap and fingers snap to the beat. But one thing has started to bother me: the lyrics are a bit sad and even depressive. I'm not even sure if it is advisable for the young 'uns to listen to this kind of music, at least often. So here's my improved version of the song lyrics. Cheer up, Ville Valo et al, life isn't so bad (and feel free to record this version)!

Join Me In Death For Life

Baby join me in death for life
Baby join me in death for life
Baby join me in death for life

We are so young
our lives have just begun
but already we're considering
escape from this world marriage

and we've waited for so long
for this moment to come
was so anxious to be together
together in death lawful matrimony

Won't you die live tonight for love
Baby join me in death for life
Won't you die live
Baby join me in death for life
Won't you die live tonight for love
Baby join me in death for life

This world is a cruel happy place
and we're here only to lose enjoy
so before life tears us apart fulfills our dreams let
death a wedding official bless me with you

Won't you die rejoice tonight for love
Baby join me in death for life
Won't you die live happily ever after
Baby join me in death for life
Won't you die dance tonight for love
Baby join me in death for life

This life ain't worth living Seize the day!
This life ain't worth living It's time for dancing in the streets!
This life ain't worth living Don't worry, be happy!

Won't you die smile tonight for love
Baby join me in death for life
Won't you die make love with me
Baby join me in death for life
Won't you die live tonight for love
Baby join me in death for life

Baby join me in death for life

Continuous Cleaning

Ok, here's the long overdue blog entry on household cleaning techniques you've been so eagerly waiting for. You know, there are few things in life that are better than scrubbing your ceramic cooking plate with Dr. Beckmann's cleaning fluid for ceramic cooking plates (with jojoba oil), then taking out those last, most persistent specks of dirt with a razor blade and finally: resting your eyes on the perfect, shining, reflective, immaculate cooking plate. Ahhh... I love cleaning.

I like to call my favourite household cleaning technique Continuous Cleaning. Well, not out loud, but in my mind I do, because I'm a nerd obsessed with cleanliness. But anyway, by Continuous Cleaning I mean the same thing as Not Letting Your Household Get Dirty.

Washing the dishes might be a suitable example of this technique. Owners of a dishwasher, please use your imagination. This technique can be applied to all kinds of cleaning tasks. Let us compare the ways a) an anonymous, non-continously cleaning person and b) myself, a continuous cleaner, would typically handle diswashing during a week (note: exaggeration):

a) Get a clean glass from the cupboard every time you drink water. Put the glass in the sink after doing so. Leave food leftovers on plates and pile them onto stacks. Leave empty milk cartons, baby food jars and the like on the kitchen counter. Postpone washing the dishes until there aren't any clean containers for food left, except the ugly flower vase you received from your mother-in-law. Oh sod it, that can be used as a beverage container too. Complain noisily that dishwashing is dreadful. Finally, wash the dishes at the end of the week when raccoons have started taking over the garbage heap that once was the kitchen counter.

b) Use a single mug for coffee and other beverages for a day. Rinse empty milk cartons and baby food jars and put them away right when they are emptied. Wash the dishes after each dinner, if possible. If something spills on the kitchen counter, wipe it away immediately. Before going to sleep each night, wash the remaining dishes, if any.

Which method seems better? Ok, we all agree that b) is much better, at least for these reasons:
- there are clean containers for food available all week
- being in the kitchen doesn't cause weird, indescribable anxiety
- health hazards caused by mutated food leftovers and raccoon attacks are unlikely
- loud complaining by family members is scarce and therefore stress levels are tolerable.

Now which method seems less troublesome? Some might argue that method a) is less work because you can just slob away all week and then take care of the cleaning on Sunday. I'll maintain, however, that method b) is easier based on the following opinions facts:
- rinsing away non-dried food leftovers is significantly easier than scrubbing dried up, unidentified goo
- washing the dishes is easy when you have room to do it, i.e. the sink is not full of other dishes
- the total work seems easier, because washing up a couple of plates does not seem like an insurmountable task that takes up the whole Sunday afternoon
- the continuously clean environment lifts up your spirits so you'll have more energy to wash the dishes.

Ok, if this didn't convince you, I'll offer another example. Suppose you've spilled some coffee on the wall and floor on a frantic morning when trying to feed the kid in a hurry. If you clean it up right away, you'll be late, but at least it's free. If you leave it uncleaned, thinking that it's unjust having to clean it up in such a situation, the coffee will soak up into the wall and possibly warp the floor. And later, when selling the apartment, you'll either have to repaint the wall and have the floor leveled, or possibly accept an offer from a buyer that's thousands of units in the local currency below your request because of the damage. Beware!

Ok, this might get a little far-fetched. But please excuse me. I'm an engineer by trade and therefore mostly spend my working days figuring out solutions to problems, optimizing processes and convincing other people that the way I want to do it is the best way to do it. I can't just stop doing so at home, can I? And there's no point in telling me that "you've changed man, it used to be about the music", Mr. Hippie, you weren't born a guitar up your arse either, it just became located there some 20 years later. Everyone changes, all the time.

The quickest blog entry in the world

Ok, I'm going to have to be very fast and efficient here. I guess I have approximately... damn, shouldn't have written "approximately", "about" would have been much faster to write and done the same thing, but yeah, approximately 4 minutes to write this entry. That's because my kid is not asleep yet and I'll have to go put him to sleep soon. So I'll just give you a short status report on moi, instead of the volumes 1-20 on household cleaning tips that I would like to write:

- My laptop broke and was being serviced. What an awful 10 days that was.
- I got a new bicycle. Sweet! So far the top time from home to work (or vice versa) is 4:47 (1.6 km).
- Our family has, apparently, moved to the upper class: we're having somebody coming to clean up our apartment tomorrow. From window washing to floor scrubbing. I can't wait. I like cleaning, but lately there's been no time to do it. And if it is affordable to buy as a service, then hey, why not.
- Oh great, now my wife got the kid to sleep and came to stand behind me. How am I going to write anything now.
- Hmmm. I was just thinking that... honey, I'll clean up the toilet tomorrow, there's no reason to do it now, it's late and... oh, never mind, I'll do it now.
- Yeesh. I wonder whether or not one can improve their concentration capability by practicing. If, for example, one would try to concentrate on complex stuff in a noisy environment for a long time, would they get better at it? I think so, based on empiric experiments.
- I would like to have sex. I wonder if that's possible.

The meaning of life

Tonight I thought that I'd give you an answer to the question that has been plaguing mankind for ages: the meaning of life, that is. Because, you know, it just came to me one night, and I'd like to share it to y'all. Sorry about the lack of funniness in this post, but I'm sober, and the topic is kind of grandiose, so maybe it's best to approach it seriously.

The meaning of life in general

The meaning of life is to evolve and spread. As far as is understood currently, life on Earth has evolved from some kind of primordial ooze to ever more complex forms, like plants, animals and humans. At the same time life has spread from a single organism in a primordial sea to zillions of organisms all around the world. Therefore it would seem obvious that the purpose of life is to keep on evolving and expanding. Lifeforms will become more complex and better (whatever that is). Life will spread to other planets (if it isn't there already).

The meaning of life - a human

The meaning of the life of an individual human being is to support the evolution and spreading of life in general. Therefore one should aspire to educate himself/herself, aid the progress of the human kind and to reproduce. The advancement of scientific progress might be the most direct way to aid the evolution of life for a human being. However, not all of us are scientists. Even by just being a living organism you are a part of the process of evolution. Remember, evolution is a very slow process, it takes forever. Literally.

Note that when I'm talking about evolution I'm actually talking about two things here: the natural evolution of organisms and the evolution of the scientific knowledge of humans. The former just happens by itself. The latter helps the expansion of life (because we learn to use natural resources more efficiently and can migrate to other planets, so there will be more room and better living conditions for more organisms), but also, in my opinion, enables humans to evolve into different, and hopefully better, forms of life. And possibly create new lifeforms. Just think about artificial intelligence, for example.

The meaning of life - myself

But what about the meaning of your life? I don't know that. But as an example, I'll try to define what could be the meaning of my life, in order to help you defining your own meaning.

Well, the reproduction part is easy. I should have kids. I have one already and I'd like to have more. The next one could be a girl, and possibly red-haired. Also, I'll have to work in order to be able to provide adequate living conditions for my kids. And furthermore, I'll have to be a good parent and try to raise my offspring as well as possible. I'll also try to encourage my kids to get as good an education as possible.

The advancement of the progress of the human kind is slightly more difficult. It seems unlikely that I'll achieve any scientific breakthroughs in the near future. But as a software engineer, I'd like to think that maybe I can advance the development of software engineering methods and/or technology, just a little bit, during my working career. Or at least advance the development of the software profession by acting as an user and a tester of software products designed by smarter people. Think about it: nearly anything can be seen as beneficial to the scientific advancement of the human kind. By taking an aspirin I'll act as a human guinea pig for the pharmaceutical industry, and therefore aid the development of pharmaceuticals. By belching and picking my nose on the sofa I can act as a warning example to my kid, who'll then decide to do better than me and apply to the university.

Communication eras

Good evening, the elderly, and yo, the youth. Tonight I thought it'd be interesting to talk about... oh, wait a minute, this is the boring blog. Hmm... why don't I ponder on, say, communication.

I recently noticed that in the short span (at least on the cosmologic scale) of my existence so far, the way people have communicated with each other has clearly changed every now and then, usually following a technological breakthrough. So here's the history, and the present, of communication between the members of the human kind, in a nicely compact form, as observed by me.

1) The prehistory

As I understand it, before the seventies, people communicated mostly by grunting, throwing potatoes at their neighbours and writing tacky love songs to chicks in mini skirts. And centuries ago, there might have been some distinguished poets too, who wrote some love poems or whatever. With a pen made out of a feather.

2) The Kekkonen era

In the countryside, people just walked into their neighbours homes, sat on the bench and waited to be served some coffee. Then they might have talked a bit, if the coffee was good enough. Letters were sent to relatives a couple of times a year. The telephone was invented, but it was mainly used to ask relatives if the letter had arrived yet.

Music was recorded on LP records, which were large, unpractical and expensive. Kids mostly copied LP records on C-cassettes, if they could afford blank ones, and were lucky enough to know somebody who actually owned some music. The rest of us played with matches, cows made out of pinecones and the popular computer C-64, which required copying games on C-cassettes.

3) Late eighties, early nineties

Sometime later, the CD record was invented. Unfortunately, nobody knew anyone who'd actually seen one.

Popular forms of communicating with other people were passing paper notes in the classroom and barfing on the shoes of the one you were attracted to in the local disco. The telephone continued to be frightening and the letters continued to be infrequent.

4) The doorbell era

The cellular telephone was invented. Anybody who owned one was swiftly kicked in the nuts for being an arrogant yuppie, making it ineffective as a means of communication.

A popular way to communicate was to go to a person's home and ring the doorbell. If they were home, communication could happen, provided that enough beer was brought by the visiting person. Letters were still sent to persons living in other cities, but the amount of beer that could be attached to a letter was insufficient to guarantee any real communication.

An extraordinary means of communication was invented in Finland: by standing up in the sauna and farting on the face of the person next to you appreciation could be expressed and a lifetime bond could be engaged. Lots of communication ensued.

5) The text message era

In the nineties, cellular phones became affordable, and therefore could be owned by regular people. Telephoning still continued to be synchronous, and therefore uncomfortable to some people, except when drunk. However, text messaging, being asynchronous and inexpensive, quickly became widely popular.

In the nineties, personal computers were quite common, but Internet connections were expensive and slow. Therefore computers were mostly used in communication in two ways:
1) Writing a letter on the computer, then saving the document on a floppy disk and sending the disk to the recipient by mail
2) Ringing the doorbell of a computer owner, then playing a two-player computer game with them using the same keyboard (provided that the amount of beer was sufficient).

6) The dotcom era

The Internet connections became affordable. Sending letters via e-mail finally made sending pieces of paper stained with ink through mail obsolete. Chat applications made synchronous communication available through the computer. Synchronous communication still required drunkenness, at least in Finland.

7) The web 2.0 era

The appearance of online communities, like Facebook, made communication easier. You didn't have to know the email address of a person, you could look them up using the search functionality of the community. By blogging you could inform your friends of the recent events in your life, without forcing them to being informed. By doing at least something in Facebook, you could signal your friends and relatives that you are alive.

As a conclusion, the means of communication we have today are plentiful:
a) synchronous, real-time communication (farting on the face, talking on the coffee, talking on the phone)
b) asynchronous communication, provider model (text messaging, email)
c) asynchronous communication, subscriber model (spying on other people in Facebook, RSS).

Political rant

The bourgeoisie. Or the right wing in the political field, whatever you like to call them. I can't understand them. To me, to declare oneself as bourgeois, is about as offensive as to admit to being racist or Nazi. It's as if you'd tell everyone that you like to inflict pain on other people and watch them suffer. It's like declaring yourself as superior to the common people. It's like saying that I'm entitled to own a SUV, you're not, and maybe you can wipe my windshield in the traffic lights but I'll spit in your face and drive over your toes when the light turns green.

It might be just my fault. Maybe I've got it all wrong. It could be that the right wing just has not been able to get their message across to me. It might be that I've just been brainwashed enough by my parents so that I can't see anything good about them. But it's funny, because I think that I should be in their target audience. I'm urban and relatively white collar, but still I don't get their message. But do I even know what they are advocating or am I blinded by my prejudice?

Let's see.... the site www.kokoomus.fi (the web pages of the most popular national right wing party) is as mind-numbingly boring as you'd except from a mainstream political party. The only provocative thing that I can see is a news item about Kokoomus members being active in some kind of church-related election. Yeah, way to lick the elderly conservatives. It seems that I'll just have to compress their political program myself:
1) I'm better than you, because I do (or will) earn more money than you, and therefore more privileged
2) Things should be kept that way, forever. Oh yeah, and my kids are better than you, too.

To me it seems that they're really wanting to preserve class society. Like, we're the factory owners, you're the workers, and we're going to rip you off. I can't understand why anybody who doesn't own at least one factory would vote right wing. But yet large masses of people do. Haven't they realized that, by definition, the masses can't be elite? And, as a result of this logic, the bourgeoisie, who should be a minority, are ruling. Democracy doesn't work. And it's our fault.

To me, the most uncomprehensible thing in the political field is the young conservative. It's an oxymoron of a kind. Like "currently I'm slaving as a clerk at this kiosk (because I'm studying business related stuff), but I'm aiming to be the head of a conglomerate some day, so I'll vote conservative, instead of the party that would like to improve my working conditions". "I'm the future dictator, so I'll support the current dictator, even though he'll probably cut my head off."

But then again, what are the alternatives? I don't know. The left wing does not fill me with trust (0ne youthful candidate is not going to do it). I'm not half swedish or a religious nutcase. The green party might be just a decoy for the urban conservatives, and their best guy just left. Where is the political party with fresh ideas and no past ballast?

Non-voting is seeming to look a like an option here. And maybe some brick-hurling would be in place...