Saturday, January 31, 2009

Hair metal

It's a widely accepted fact that music achieved perfection in the early 80's, when hair metal was invented. I consider myself lucky because early 80's also happens to be the time when, at about the tender age of 10, I first became interested in music. It's also possible that early 80's hair metal is widely considered crap and I just happen to like it because incidentally I was surrounded by it at the time the aesthetic sense of an individual is carved in stone, which happens at the age of 10. Right?

Anyway, lately I've time travelled a lot by listening to my early favourites. It's been very interesting because some of them have, in a way, been buried in a time capsule for decades. I mean that there are artists that I listened to a lot when I was, say, 12, and then forgot about them for some 20 years. When I listen to them now it's all in the spine, buried somewhere but instantly recognizable. I just listened through the album "Theatre Of Pain" by Mötley Crüe for the first time in 20 years, and it just felt very familiar and comforting.

So, for your, and mine entertainment, here's the top 13 of the childhood favourites of Yours Truly, as seen some 20 years later. The entries are in no particular order.

1) Ozzy Osbourne: Ultimate Sin (1986)

Musically great, although I can't tell why. Ozzy just somehow manages to sound great even while sounding like shit. The 8o's style stuff in the video is just great. Ozzy's clearly been batshit insane for decades while managing to get on just fine, and therefore must be some kind of a Zen master. The glittery bee-coloured dressing gown is just hideous though. Also check out Lightning Strikes from the same album, which too is pure gold.

2) Anthrax: Among The Living (1987)

Although, scientifically speaking, not strictly hair metal, Anthrax do have a lot of hair and they play metal. And I love them. To me, they, in a way, opened a new leaf in music. Before listening to Anthrax, I'd had no idea that music can be so complex, interesting, scary, funny and extreme. And guys not wearing make-up was kind of refreshing after listening to tons of real hair metal (or tights metal is it called?). Compared to extreme metal of today, they now sound kind of sloppy and lightweight and somehow cute. That's progress for you. But I wouldn't exchange them for anything.

3) Mötley Crüe: Home Sweet Home (1987)

Surprisingly, in the last few weeks I've found that Mötley Crüe is musically great. They often seem to be publicly dismissed as crap that's somehow managed to sell 80 million records worldwide. I must say that I've thought that way also. But lately when I've returned to old Mötley records after a long Mötley-free period, I've been surprised of how great this stuff is. The songs are just incredibly catchy, the sounds and the not-too-skilled playing fit them perfectly and each member of the group is a perfect rock cartoon character. If I had a time machine, my first stop would be a 1987 Mötley Crüe gig.

4) Poison: Every Rose Has It's Thorn (1988)

Yuck. I listened to this? Without puking? Pathetic, pompous crap, although I must admit there's a certain catchiness to this.

5) Ratt: Round And Round (1984)

Oh no, it's getting worse. These guys have all the hair and pompousness of Poison but none of the songs. There doesn't seem to be a single Ratt song that I recognize even though I definitely remember listening to their cassettes a lot in a certain period. And Ratt is not a very glamorous name either. They could have named themselves Crapp to begin with.

6) Deep Purple: Perfect Strangers (1984)

Deep Purple shouldn't perhaps be considered hair metal because they've been around from the paleolithic age (do they still exist?). Anyway, I distinctly remember listening to the Perfect Strangers album a lot while reading a scifi book (I forget which one) in about '85. The combination made me feel very futuristic. And this song is still great as ever. The musicians don't look futuristic though, in fact they look like the dinosaurs they are.

7) Kiss: Tears Are Falling (1986)

Oh look, it's the great-grandfathers of hair rock, Kiss! Of course, in 1984, they'd already been around for 30 years or something, but to me this is the best Kiss period. I definitely remember seeing a music video for this song in the 80's, with neon-coloured long coats and all, but I couldn't find it now.

Now that I think of it, I remember sitting in a train, listening to the Asylum album on the headphones, wearing sunglasses, at about 12 years old. My grandmother was sitting at the seat behind me. I didn't want to sit beside her because it wouldn't have been cool, travelling with your grandmother. I wanted to be cool then. I feel ashamed now.

8) David Lee Roth: Yankee Rose (1986)

I still don't get the beginning of the video. Dave must have consumed more cocaine than all of Mötley Crüe combined. I vaguely remember being uneasy about all the sexual references in this video as a kid, but otherwise I thought it looked real cool, with all the glitter and such. But I suppose that shortly after this Dave began deteriorating, you know, getting bald, old and insane. No wonder, because he must have been at least 45 or something in this video. Also, I suppose that this must be of the most listenable stuff that Steve Vai ever did. Although I wouldn't know, because I don't listen to that kind of crap.

9) Judas Priest - Turbo Lover (1986)

I remember being confused about this. Now this was supposed to be a heavy metal group, but the music was clearly influenced by sissy music, which anything made with synthesizers was considered then (an example: Modern Talking: You're My Heart, You're My Soul). Anyway, after a couple of listens, I remember liking this. I like the Modern Talking song too, now, therefore I'm a sissy.

10) Iron Maiden: Stranger In A Strange Land (1986)

Oh, the kicks I got just staring at the Somewhere In Time LP cover. There was always a new small detail to be discovered. Very futuristic. Futurism suggests change. Iron Maiden, perhaps paradoxically, resists change. The stay the same, year in, year out. But they have a perfectly valid excuse for that: they know they've perfected music in the early 80's, therefore they keep churning out more of the same old same old, and touring, forever.

11) W.A.S.P.: Blind In Texas (1985)

In 1985, W.A.S.P. seemed so scary at first, that I wasn't sure if I could start liking them. I overcame my fear and did like them, but now this seems a bit crap. The music is not very innovative, the singing style's just annoying and to be honest, Blackie jumps around like some kind of a demented ballet dancer.

12) Twisted Sister: I Wanna Rock (1984)

They couldn't have made it any clearer. Authority sucks, heavy metal rules. With this video, Twisted Sister managed to make an entire generation of kids politically aware. Or if not, at least the most of us who've become very normal upper lower middle class citizens might sometimes remember Dee Snider and his weird looking gang because they had a cool video, didn't they? But not very often.

13) Def Leppard: Animal (1988)

I still wonder: how can guys with such stupid hair cuts have such an overproduced, finely-tuned sound? Even though it might be crap, you've got to admit that it's very well polished crap. Which they say couldn't be done.