Monday, April 28, 2008

Join Me For Life

Even though I mostly listen to MOR when scrubbing the floors (and so should you), the repertoire of the popular Finnish music group HIM includes several quite snappy tunes. Their biggest hit, Join Me In Death, is really catchy and has the capability to make my feet tap and fingers snap to the beat. But one thing has started to bother me: the lyrics are a bit sad and even depressive. I'm not even sure if it is advisable for the young 'uns to listen to this kind of music, at least often. So here's my improved version of the song lyrics. Cheer up, Ville Valo et al, life isn't so bad (and feel free to record this version)!

Join Me In Death For Life

Baby join me in death for life
Baby join me in death for life
Baby join me in death for life

We are so young
our lives have just begun
but already we're considering
escape from this world marriage

and we've waited for so long
for this moment to come
was so anxious to be together
together in death lawful matrimony

Won't you die live tonight for love
Baby join me in death for life
Won't you die live
Baby join me in death for life
Won't you die live tonight for love
Baby join me in death for life

This world is a cruel happy place
and we're here only to lose enjoy
so before life tears us apart fulfills our dreams let
death a wedding official bless me with you

Won't you die rejoice tonight for love
Baby join me in death for life
Won't you die live happily ever after
Baby join me in death for life
Won't you die dance tonight for love
Baby join me in death for life

This life ain't worth living Seize the day!
This life ain't worth living It's time for dancing in the streets!
This life ain't worth living Don't worry, be happy!

Won't you die smile tonight for love
Baby join me in death for life
Won't you die make love with me
Baby join me in death for life
Won't you die live tonight for love
Baby join me in death for life

Baby join me in death for life

Friday, April 25, 2008

Continuous Cleaning

Ok, here's the long overdue blog entry on household cleaning techniques you've been so eagerly waiting for. You know, there are few things in life that are better than scrubbing your ceramic cooking plate with Dr. Beckmann's cleaning fluid for ceramic cooking plates (with jojoba oil), then taking out those last, most persistent specks of dirt with a razor blade and finally: resting your eyes on the perfect, shining, reflective, immaculate cooking plate. Ahhh... I love cleaning.

I like to call my favourite household cleaning technique Continuous Cleaning. Well, not out loud, but in my mind I do, because I'm a nerd obsessed with cleanliness. But anyway, by Continuous Cleaning I mean the same thing as Not Letting Your Household Get Dirty.

Washing the dishes might be a suitable example of this technique. Owners of a dishwasher, please use your imagination. This technique can be applied to all kinds of cleaning tasks. Let us compare the ways a) an anonymous, non-continously cleaning person and b) myself, a continuous cleaner, would typically handle diswashing during a week (note: exaggeration):

a) Get a clean glass from the cupboard every time you drink water. Put the glass in the sink after doing so. Leave food leftovers on plates and pile them onto stacks. Leave empty milk cartons, baby food jars and the like on the kitchen counter. Postpone washing the dishes until there aren't any clean containers for food left, except the ugly flower vase you received from your mother-in-law. Oh sod it, that can be used as a beverage container too. Complain noisily that dishwashing is dreadful. Finally, wash the dishes at the end of the week when raccoons have started taking over the garbage heap that once was the kitchen counter.

b) Use a single mug for coffee and other beverages for a day. Rinse empty milk cartons and baby food jars and put them away right when they are emptied. Wash the dishes after each dinner, if possible. If something spills on the kitchen counter, wipe it away immediately. Before going to sleep each night, wash the remaining dishes, if any.

Which method seems better? Ok, we all agree that b) is much better, at least for these reasons:
- there are clean containers for food available all week
- being in the kitchen doesn't cause weird, indescribable anxiety
- health hazards caused by mutated food leftovers and raccoon attacks are unlikely
- loud complaining by family members is scarce and therefore stress levels are tolerable.

Now which method seems less troublesome? Some might argue that method a) is less work because you can just slob away all week and then take care of the cleaning on Sunday. I'll maintain, however, that method b) is easier based on the following opinions facts:
- rinsing away non-dried food leftovers is significantly easier than scrubbing dried up, unidentified goo
- washing the dishes is easy when you have room to do it, i.e. the sink is not full of other dishes
- the total work seems easier, because washing up a couple of plates does not seem like an insurmountable task that takes up the whole Sunday afternoon
- the continuously clean environment lifts up your spirits so you'll have more energy to wash the dishes.

Ok, if this didn't convince you, I'll offer another example. Suppose you've spilled some coffee on the wall and floor on a frantic morning when trying to feed the kid in a hurry. If you clean it up right away, you'll be late, but at least it's free. If you leave it uncleaned, thinking that it's unjust having to clean it up in such a situation, the coffee will soak up into the wall and possibly warp the floor. And later, when selling the apartment, you'll either have to repaint the wall and have the floor leveled, or possibly accept an offer from a buyer that's thousands of units in the local currency below your request because of the damage. Beware!

Ok, this might get a little far-fetched. But please excuse me. I'm an engineer by trade and therefore mostly spend my working days figuring out solutions to problems, optimizing processes and convincing other people that the way I want to do it is the best way to do it. I can't just stop doing so at home, can I? And there's no point in telling me that "you've changed man, it used to be about the music", Mr. Hippie, you weren't born a guitar up your arse either, it just became located there some 20 years later. Everyone changes, all the time.

Friday, April 18, 2008

The quickest blog entry in the world

Ok, I'm going to have to be very fast and efficient here. I guess I have approximately... damn, shouldn't have written "approximately", "about" would have been much faster to write and done the same thing, but yeah, approximately 4 minutes to write this entry. That's because my kid is not asleep yet and I'll have to go put him to sleep soon. So I'll just give you a short status report on moi, instead of the volumes 1-20 on household cleaning tips that I would like to write:

- My laptop broke and was being serviced. What an awful 10 days that was.
- I got a new bicycle. Sweet! So far the top time from home to work (or vice versa) is 4:47 (1.6 km).
- Our family has, apparently, moved to the upper class: we're having somebody coming to clean up our apartment tomorrow. From window washing to floor scrubbing. I can't wait. I like cleaning, but lately there's been no time to do it. And if it is affordable to buy as a service, then hey, why not.
- Oh great, now my wife got the kid to sleep and came to stand behind me. How am I going to write anything now.
- Hmmm. I was just thinking that... honey, I'll clean up the toilet tomorrow, there's no reason to do it now, it's late and... oh, never mind, I'll do it now.
- Yeesh. I wonder whether or not one can improve their concentration capability by practicing. If, for example, one would try to concentrate on complex stuff in a noisy environment for a long time, would they get better at it? I think so, based on empiric experiments.
- I would like to have sex. I wonder if that's possible.