News and the weather

Good evening. I’m Josh Truly and this is today’s news and the weather. Maybe it's best for everyone if I admit up front that I am not wearing any pants whatsoever, as is usual for us news anchors. And on to today's topics.

Incontinence day

Yesterday was incontinence day, as you may have noticed, even though, probably, you, Sir, are a nobody. Much back-patting and congratulating one another was witnessed by all and smug smiles were all around. Shoes were wet. Nevertheless, life will go on pretty much the same as before this unfortunate, yet forgettable event.

Life goes on

Life goes on, and still continues to be meaningful, even though minor setbacks and unfortunate events may be met by persons.

Unfortunate events

An unfortunate event happened to a neighbour of… some guy. He seemed to have lost his keys after having infinity minus 32 pints at the local and could only make it back home after several hours of sliding head-on down the stairs in the dark, trying to squeeze it through the mail box and annoying the hell out of his fellow neighbours. The keys happened to be in his other pocket, apparently.

Confused about grammar

A leading Finnish blog writer and not too shabby a guy anyway was confused about the English grammar the and decided the to the use the “the” in front of the nearly every the f**king the word.

Relationship problems

What? Ah, sorry, problems in relationships have been evident. Everyone agreed that they could do better and not be so petty. They promised to do better from now on. The promises were accepted by all parties. Sex was had, later, and it was good. It was agreed that sex is an essential part of a relationship and it should be practiced more often.

Positive development

Growth in the stock market continued. Also, some kids were making more fake bills for their Monopoly game.

The common opinion

The parties of a conversation were still unable to compromise about whether or not Rush is the greatest band in the world. Opinions were thrown back and forth. One expert said "I don't know". The popular music television channel MTV continued to air programs about cars all the while.

The other common opinion

The bourgeoisie continued to rule the Finnish political climate. Experts were confused about the matter because the masses continued to be workers.

Network problems

Network connections were f**king slow in southern Finland. A famous, unnamed blog writer called the helpdesk of his ISP but was told that his connection continued to be 4M between his home and a nearby network switch and that’s what he paid for. The interesting content in the network switch continued to be nonexistent. Furthermore, he was told to live with it. He couldn’t.

Sports news

Some guys chased a ball, some guys chased cars with their own car. Unfortunately, only a few guys were kicked in the nuts while TV cameras were present. It remained to be unclear why sports news should be broadcast more often than, say, news about the fluff in my navel.

Oh, and the weather

The weather continues to be charmingly southern Finnish as we head on to Christmas. Black, very crappy and raining continuously, that is. And I swear it rained s**t the other day.