Art cricket

And now for something completely different. I'd like to extend my repertoire to art critique. So here's a review of an art exhibition opening I happened to stumble upon. It was in a small gallery at the Helsinki airport. I think that the artist's name was W. C. Gents. At least that's what a sign on the door said.

The gallery was decorated in a rather cold and sterile way, not unlike, say, a public toilet. The exhibition seemed to be themed around sanitation. Many of the works were constructed out of everyday materials that can be found in public spaces: mirrors, paper towels, some kind of stalls and even urinals. There were interesting pictures painted straight on tiled walls with some kind of an earthy substance. Somewhat large constructions, "toilet stalls", which they resembled, were decorated with graffiti-like ornaments that looked like they were drawn with a regular felt pen.

I think that the artist has received much of his influences from the legendary Marcel Duchamp, maybe even to such extent that could be considered plagiarism. But not by yours truly, I thought the row of regular urinals was a great statement and a homage to the great artist. But the toilet seats in the "stalls", as I like to call them, were maybe too much. One even contained a mass of a substance that closely resembled human excrement and even smelled like it. I have no idea what the artist was trying to say with that piece. But the doors of the "stalls", as I mentioned earlier, were covered with beautiful, thought-provoking inscriptions. Some were political ("USA go home"), some just mysterious ("Kilroy was here"), but nevertheless I was impressed by the many talents of the artist: not only a sculptor and a painter, but a poet as well!

I must complain about the servings at the opening though. Only a single bubblegum vending machine and tap water were available. And the bubblegum was the worst I've ever had: ridiculously expensive (2 €) for a single piece of bubblegum, unbelievably stringy and unpleasantly latexy in taste. I'll never have another piece of that Durex brand bubblegum.

And I must mention that I've never before seen such a vulgar crowd in an art exhibition, and I've visited at least three. The people just rushed through the exhibition, were reluctant to discuss about the works of art or taste the servings. A couple of particularly insolent characters even tried to urinate into the pieces on display! Luckily I was there to stop them by standing next to them and eyeing them with great disapproval.

The opening culminated nicely with an interactive performance by a male artist, possibly W. C. Gents himself. He was dressed as a security guard and played the role really convincingly, even to the point of almost scaring me. Of all people, he chose me as his partner in the performance. He came to me, looking quite muscular and burly, and demanded that I leave the facility instantly. Naturally, I played along, by calling him a "faggot", telling him "don't you know who I am" and trying to grope his groin playfully. Then came the really intense, socially commenting part of the performance, as he twisted my arm behind my back, lead me out of the airport and threw me out on the street. It must have looked very realistic to the spectators, judging by the looks on their faces, but I got up smiling and bowed to the audience, even though I was rather bruised and bleeding in the face. All in all, the exhibition was an interesting statement from a relatively unknown new artist and featured several possible future classic pieces of art. And I must say that I feel absolutely privileged of getting to participate in such a great performance!

So lonely

I realise that it's been almost a year since my first blog post now. It's been an interesting scientific experiment, in a way. Mostly, I'm surprised about the lack of response. And, in a way, not surprised at all. There are billions of blogs in the universe, and I, for one, don't surf random blogs. Even though I realise it's interesting. I just don't have the time. But, based on a counter, which I don't find very reliable at all, it seems that I've had less than one readers a day during the ongoing year. And also, I find myself wanting to get feedback on my posts. And also, wanting to feel that there is a readership.

Looking back, I've found nothing incriminating in my posts. Also, there are very few things that I couldn't let my mother know about. And also, some might say, that I don't communicate enough. Not to mention that hardly any real names of real persons have been mentioned.

Therefore, I've decided to leak the URL to a certain bunch of friends. And threaten them with violence, should they misuse it. We'll see in the end of 2008, if there'll be any difference in the counter statistics.

News and the weather

Good evening. I’m Josh Truly and this is today’s news and the weather. Maybe it's best for everyone if I admit up front that I am not wearing any pants whatsoever, as is usual for us news anchors. And on to today's topics.

Incontinence day

Yesterday was incontinence day, as you may have noticed, even though, probably, you, Sir, are a nobody. Much back-patting and congratulating one another was witnessed by all and smug smiles were all around. Shoes were wet. Nevertheless, life will go on pretty much the same as before this unfortunate, yet forgettable event.

Life goes on

Life goes on, and still continues to be meaningful, even though minor setbacks and unfortunate events may be met by persons.

Unfortunate events

An unfortunate event happened to a neighbour of… some guy. He seemed to have lost his keys after having infinity minus 32 pints at the local and could only make it back home after several hours of sliding head-on down the stairs in the dark, trying to squeeze it through the mail box and annoying the hell out of his fellow neighbours. The keys happened to be in his other pocket, apparently.

Confused about grammar

A leading Finnish blog writer and not too shabby a guy anyway was confused about the English grammar the and decided the to the use the “the” in front of the nearly every the f**king the word.

Relationship problems

What? Ah, sorry, problems in relationships have been evident. Everyone agreed that they could do better and not be so petty. They promised to do better from now on. The promises were accepted by all parties. Sex was had, later, and it was good. It was agreed that sex is an essential part of a relationship and it should be practiced more often.

Positive development

Growth in the stock market continued. Also, some kids were making more fake bills for their Monopoly game.

The common opinion

The parties of a conversation were still unable to compromise about whether or not Rush is the greatest band in the world. Opinions were thrown back and forth. One expert said "I don't know". The popular music television channel MTV continued to air programs about cars all the while.

The other common opinion

The bourgeoisie continued to rule the Finnish political climate. Experts were confused about the matter because the masses continued to be workers.

Network problems

Network connections were f**king slow in southern Finland. A famous, unnamed blog writer called the helpdesk of his ISP but was told that his connection continued to be 4M between his home and a nearby network switch and that’s what he paid for. The interesting content in the network switch continued to be nonexistent. Furthermore, he was told to live with it. He couldn’t.

Sports news

Some guys chased a ball, some guys chased cars with their own car. Unfortunately, only a few guys were kicked in the nuts while TV cameras were present. It remained to be unclear why sports news should be broadcast more often than, say, news about the fluff in my navel.

Oh, and the weather

The weather continues to be charmingly southern Finnish as we head on to Christmas. Black, very crappy and raining continuously, that is. And I swear it rained s**t the other day.