Good evening, the elderly, and yo, the youth. Tonight I thought it'd be interesting to talk about... oh, wait a minute, this is the boring blog. Hmm... why don't I ponder on, say, communication.
I recently noticed that in the short span (at least on the cosmologic scale) of my existence so far, the way people have communicated with each other has clearly changed every now and then, usually following a technological breakthrough. So here's the history, and the present, of communication between the members of the human kind, in a nicely compact form, as observed by me.
1) The prehistory
As I understand it, before the seventies, people communicated mostly by grunting, throwing potatoes at their neighbours and writing tacky love songs to chicks in mini skirts. And centuries ago, there might have been some distinguished poets too, who wrote some love poems or whatever. With a pen made out of a feather.
2) The Kekkonen era
In the countryside, people just walked into their neighbours homes, sat on the bench and waited to be served some coffee. Then they might have talked a bit, if the coffee was good enough. Letters were sent to relatives a couple of times a year. The telephone was invented, but it was mainly used to ask relatives if the letter had arrived yet.
Music was recorded on LP records, which were large, unpractical and expensive. Kids mostly copied LP records on C-cassettes, if they could afford blank ones, and were lucky enough to know somebody who actually owned some music. The rest of us played with matches, cows made out of pinecones and the popular computer C-64, which required copying games on C-cassettes.
3) Late eighties, early nineties
Sometime later, the CD record was invented. Unfortunately, nobody knew anyone who'd actually seen one.
Popular forms of communicating with other people were passing paper notes in the classroom and barfing on the shoes of the one you were attracted to in the local disco. The telephone continued to be frightening and the letters continued to be infrequent.
4) The doorbell era
The cellular telephone was invented. Anybody who owned one was swiftly kicked in the nuts for being an arrogant yuppie, making it ineffective as a means of communication.
A popular way to communicate was to go to a person's home and ring the doorbell. If they were home, communication could happen, provided that enough beer was brought by the visiting person. Letters were still sent to persons living in other cities, but the amount of beer that could be attached to a letter was insufficient to guarantee any real communication.
An extraordinary means of communication was invented in Finland: by standing up in the sauna and farting on the face of the person next to you appreciation could be expressed and a lifetime bond could be engaged. Lots of communication ensued.
5) The text message era
In the nineties, cellular phones became affordable, and therefore could be owned by regular people. Telephoning still continued to be synchronous, and therefore uncomfortable to some people, except when drunk. However, text messaging, being asynchronous and inexpensive, quickly became widely popular.
In the nineties, personal computers were quite common, but Internet connections were expensive and slow. Therefore computers were mostly used in communication in two ways:
1) Writing a letter on the computer, then saving the document on a floppy disk and sending the disk to the recipient by mail
2) Ringing the doorbell of a computer owner, then playing a two-player computer game with them using the same keyboard (provided that the amount of beer was sufficient).
6) The dotcom era
The Internet connections became affordable. Sending letters via e-mail finally made sending pieces of paper stained with ink through mail obsolete. Chat applications made synchronous communication available through the computer. Synchronous communication still required drunkenness, at least in Finland.
7) The web 2.0 era
The appearance of online communities, like Facebook, made communication easier. You didn't have to know the email address of a person, you could look them up using the search functionality of the community. By blogging you could inform your friends of the recent events in your life, without forcing them to being informed. By doing at least something in Facebook, you could signal your friends and relatives that you are alive.
As a conclusion, the means of communication we have today are plentiful:
a) synchronous, real-time communication (farting on the face, talking on the coffee, talking on the phone)
b) asynchronous communication, provider model (text messaging, email)
c) asynchronous communication, subscriber model (spying on other people in Facebook, RSS).
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Friday, February 01, 2008
Political rant
The bourgeoisie. Or the right wing in the political field, whatever you like to call them. I can't understand them. To me, to declare oneself as bourgeois, is about as offensive as to admit to being racist or Nazi. It's as if you'd tell everyone that you like to inflict pain on other people and watch them suffer. It's like declaring yourself as superior to the common people. It's like saying that I'm entitled to own a SUV, you're not, and maybe you can wipe my windshield in the traffic lights but I'll spit in your face and drive over your toes when the light turns green.
It might be just my fault. Maybe I've got it all wrong. It could be that the right wing just has not been able to get their message across to me. It might be that I've just been brainwashed enough by my parents so that I can't see anything good about them. But it's funny, because I think that I should be in their target audience. I'm urban and relatively white collar, but still I don't get their message. But do I even know what they are advocating or am I blinded by my prejudice?
Let's see.... the site www.kokoomus.fi (the web pages of the most popular national right wing party) is as mind-numbingly boring as you'd except from a mainstream political party. The only provocative thing that I can see is a news item about Kokoomus members being active in some kind of church-related election. Yeah, way to lick the elderly conservatives. It seems that I'll just have to compress their political program myself:
1) I'm better than you, because I do (or will) earn more money than you, and therefore more privileged
2) Things should be kept that way, forever. Oh yeah, and my kids are better than you, too.
To me it seems that they're really wanting to preserve class society. Like, we're the factory owners, you're the workers, and we're going to rip you off. I can't understand why anybody who doesn't own at least one factory would vote right wing. But yet large masses of people do. Haven't they realized that, by definition, the masses can't be elite? And, as a result of this logic, the bourgeoisie, who should be a minority, are ruling. Democracy doesn't work. And it's our fault.
To me, the most uncomprehensible thing in the political field is the young conservative. It's an oxymoron of a kind. Like "currently I'm slaving as a clerk at this kiosk (because I'm studying business related stuff), but I'm aiming to be the head of a conglomerate some day, so I'll vote conservative, instead of the party that would like to improve my working conditions". "I'm the future dictator, so I'll support the current dictator, even though he'll probably cut my head off."
But then again, what are the alternatives? I don't know. The left wing does not fill me with trust (0ne youthful candidate is not going to do it). I'm not half swedish or a religious nutcase. The green party might be just a decoy for the urban conservatives, and their best guy just left. Where is the political party with fresh ideas and no past ballast?
Non-voting is seeming to look a like an option here. And maybe some brick-hurling would be in place...
It might be just my fault. Maybe I've got it all wrong. It could be that the right wing just has not been able to get their message across to me. It might be that I've just been brainwashed enough by my parents so that I can't see anything good about them. But it's funny, because I think that I should be in their target audience. I'm urban and relatively white collar, but still I don't get their message. But do I even know what they are advocating or am I blinded by my prejudice?
Let's see.... the site www.kokoomus.fi (the web pages of the most popular national right wing party) is as mind-numbingly boring as you'd except from a mainstream political party. The only provocative thing that I can see is a news item about Kokoomus members being active in some kind of church-related election. Yeah, way to lick the elderly conservatives. It seems that I'll just have to compress their political program myself:
1) I'm better than you, because I do (or will) earn more money than you, and therefore more privileged
2) Things should be kept that way, forever. Oh yeah, and my kids are better than you, too.
To me it seems that they're really wanting to preserve class society. Like, we're the factory owners, you're the workers, and we're going to rip you off. I can't understand why anybody who doesn't own at least one factory would vote right wing. But yet large masses of people do. Haven't they realized that, by definition, the masses can't be elite? And, as a result of this logic, the bourgeoisie, who should be a minority, are ruling. Democracy doesn't work. And it's our fault.
To me, the most uncomprehensible thing in the political field is the young conservative. It's an oxymoron of a kind. Like "currently I'm slaving as a clerk at this kiosk (because I'm studying business related stuff), but I'm aiming to be the head of a conglomerate some day, so I'll vote conservative, instead of the party that would like to improve my working conditions". "I'm the future dictator, so I'll support the current dictator, even though he'll probably cut my head off."
But then again, what are the alternatives? I don't know. The left wing does not fill me with trust (0ne youthful candidate is not going to do it). I'm not half swedish or a religious nutcase. The green party might be just a decoy for the urban conservatives, and their best guy just left. Where is the political party with fresh ideas and no past ballast?
Non-voting is seeming to look a like an option here. And maybe some brick-hurling would be in place...
Friday, January 04, 2008
A financial review of the year 2007
Wowee. It seems that lately, my readership has multiplied to staggering new heights. On some days as many as 4 people have visited my blog! Hopefully I'm not getting stage fright. Or starting to censor my more radical opinions subconsciously. I mean, it's a responsible position to have such huge audience, part of which might consist of young, easily influenced minds. So, as a disclaimer, I'd like to underline that I'm not advocating programming, as a hobby or a profession, to just anybody. A wildly exciting thing such as programming also has its downsides and is not suitable, in my opinion, for the faint at heart.
It seems that my recent writings have slipped to some kind of feeble attempts at humour, so today I thought I'd get back to the very essence of this blog: boring musing on strict, hard, insignificant facts. And more specifically, numbers. Because, man, I like numbers. Therefore I keep track of my income and expenses closely and have a jolly good time at the end of each year when I get to summarize my accounting and compare it to the previous year. So here's a short analysis of my financial situation in the year 2007.
Income
My income in the last year consisted, unsurprisingly, mainly of pay from work. The profits of my investment activity (or more accurately, the deposit interest of my bank account) were a mere 0,0003 % of my total net income. That's sad. It means that my income was earned by working hard myself, instead of leeching off on hard work performed by other people, which I think I might be able to enjoy.
All except 0,11 % percent of my income was spent during the year. It might indicate that my budget is too tight. For certain it indicates that I'm not overpaid.
The cost of living
About 45 % of my income was spent on living expenses, i.e. mortgage payments, apartment maintenance charges and electricity. Damn. If living here wasn't so expensive, I might actually have some spare cash sometimes. But let's not forget that the mortgage payments, which were about 32 % of my total income, are a form of investment. Whew. At least some of my money has not disappeared to thin air, down the drain, or become a spare tire around my waist.
Food & household expenses
From 21 % to 25 % of my income last year was spent on food and other household expenses (cleaning products, pharmaceuticals, diapers, furniture and various stuff). I'm not sure of the exact percentage because my accounting system is not precise enough. Of all my expenses, this probably is the one that could be decreased the most. By buying cheaper ingredients and preparing more foods myself I could probably save significant amounts of money. But on the other hand, a family with a small kid doesn't always have the time to cook elaborate meals. By eating frozen pizzas and ready made baby food lot of stress can be avoided. But yeah, I should cut down on the caviar and the condor egg omelettes. Mmm... a couple of those would be tasty right now...
Transportation expenses
Last year, nearly 5 % of my income was spent on car related expenses. That seems kind of expensive, given that I don't really drive that much. But if I would have given in and bought a new, expensive car the percentage would be a lot bigger. There probably is not much to save here: if I didn't own a car, the corresponding sum (or more) would be spent on train, aviation and other public transport tickets by the family. And hey, it's less than in 2006, probably because of cheaper insurance (more bonus).
Entertainment
Then to the fun part. In 2007, I spent less than 2 % of my income on alcoholic beverages and eating at restaurants. That's not much, eh?
My clothing and beauty treatment expenses in 2007 were slightly over 1 %. In the future, it will hopefully be less, because I finally bought a home barber kit. In your face, barber industry, from now on I'm doing it myself!
On music records I spent 0,25 % of my income. That's ridiculously little for a music enthusiast! Hmm. Can I still be called a music enthusiast?
Then some 12 % of my income was spent on miscellaneous expenses, most of which belong to the household category. I see my accounting system (an Excel spreadsheet) has room for improvement.
Conclusion
Once again, 2007 was a financially succesful year, I might say, based on these undeniable facts:
- the family got to live in a house
- nourishment was adequate
- no vital organs had to be sold to fund expenses
- the amount of debt decreased instead of increasing.
In 2008, I hope to achieve the same goals, and additionally I hope to be able to invest more on entertainment. Family entertainment, that is.
It seems that my recent writings have slipped to some kind of feeble attempts at humour, so today I thought I'd get back to the very essence of this blog: boring musing on strict, hard, insignificant facts. And more specifically, numbers. Because, man, I like numbers. Therefore I keep track of my income and expenses closely and have a jolly good time at the end of each year when I get to summarize my accounting and compare it to the previous year. So here's a short analysis of my financial situation in the year 2007.
Income
My income in the last year consisted, unsurprisingly, mainly of pay from work. The profits of my investment activity (or more accurately, the deposit interest of my bank account) were a mere 0,0003 % of my total net income. That's sad. It means that my income was earned by working hard myself, instead of leeching off on hard work performed by other people, which I think I might be able to enjoy.
All except 0,11 % percent of my income was spent during the year. It might indicate that my budget is too tight. For certain it indicates that I'm not overpaid.
The cost of living
About 45 % of my income was spent on living expenses, i.e. mortgage payments, apartment maintenance charges and electricity. Damn. If living here wasn't so expensive, I might actually have some spare cash sometimes. But let's not forget that the mortgage payments, which were about 32 % of my total income, are a form of investment. Whew. At least some of my money has not disappeared to thin air, down the drain, or become a spare tire around my waist.
Food & household expenses
From 21 % to 25 % of my income last year was spent on food and other household expenses (cleaning products, pharmaceuticals, diapers, furniture and various stuff). I'm not sure of the exact percentage because my accounting system is not precise enough. Of all my expenses, this probably is the one that could be decreased the most. By buying cheaper ingredients and preparing more foods myself I could probably save significant amounts of money. But on the other hand, a family with a small kid doesn't always have the time to cook elaborate meals. By eating frozen pizzas and ready made baby food lot of stress can be avoided. But yeah, I should cut down on the caviar and the condor egg omelettes. Mmm... a couple of those would be tasty right now...
Transportation expenses
Last year, nearly 5 % of my income was spent on car related expenses. That seems kind of expensive, given that I don't really drive that much. But if I would have given in and bought a new, expensive car the percentage would be a lot bigger. There probably is not much to save here: if I didn't own a car, the corresponding sum (or more) would be spent on train, aviation and other public transport tickets by the family. And hey, it's less than in 2006, probably because of cheaper insurance (more bonus).
Entertainment
Then to the fun part. In 2007, I spent less than 2 % of my income on alcoholic beverages and eating at restaurants. That's not much, eh?
My clothing and beauty treatment expenses in 2007 were slightly over 1 %. In the future, it will hopefully be less, because I finally bought a home barber kit. In your face, barber industry, from now on I'm doing it myself!
On music records I spent 0,25 % of my income. That's ridiculously little for a music enthusiast! Hmm. Can I still be called a music enthusiast?
Then some 12 % of my income was spent on miscellaneous expenses, most of which belong to the household category. I see my accounting system (an Excel spreadsheet) has room for improvement.
Conclusion
Once again, 2007 was a financially succesful year, I might say, based on these undeniable facts:
- the family got to live in a house
- nourishment was adequate
- no vital organs had to be sold to fund expenses
- the amount of debt decreased instead of increasing.
In 2008, I hope to achieve the same goals, and additionally I hope to be able to invest more on entertainment. Family entertainment, that is.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Art cricket
And now for something completely different. I'd like to extend my repertoire to art critique. So here's a review of an art exhibition opening I happened to stumble upon. It was in a small gallery at the Helsinki airport. I think that the artist's name was W. C. Gents. At least that's what a sign on the door said.
The gallery was decorated in a rather cold and sterile way, not unlike, say, a public toilet. The exhibition seemed to be themed around sanitation. Many of the works were constructed out of everyday materials that can be found in public spaces: mirrors, paper towels, some kind of stalls and even urinals. There were interesting pictures painted straight on tiled walls with some kind of an earthy substance. Somewhat large constructions, "toilet stalls", which they resembled, were decorated with graffiti-like ornaments that looked like they were drawn with a regular felt pen.
I think that the artist has received much of his influences from the legendary Marcel Duchamp, maybe even to such extent that could be considered plagiarism. But not by yours truly, I thought the row of regular urinals was a great statement and a homage to the great artist. But the toilet seats in the "stalls", as I like to call them, were maybe too much. One even contained a mass of a substance that closely resembled human excrement and even smelled like it. I have no idea what the artist was trying to say with that piece. But the doors of the "stalls", as I mentioned earlier, were covered with beautiful, thought-provoking inscriptions. Some were political ("USA go home"), some just mysterious ("Kilroy was here"), but nevertheless I was impressed by the many talents of the artist: not only a sculptor and a painter, but a poet as well!
I must complain about the servings at the opening though. Only a single bubblegum vending machine and tap water were available. And the bubblegum was the worst I've ever had: ridiculously expensive (2 €) for a single piece of bubblegum, unbelievably stringy and unpleasantly latexy in taste. I'll never have another piece of that Durex brand bubblegum.
And I must mention that I've never before seen such a vulgar crowd in an art exhibition, and I've visited at least three. The people just rushed through the exhibition, were reluctant to discuss about the works of art or taste the servings. A couple of particularly insolent characters even tried to urinate into the pieces on display! Luckily I was there to stop them by standing next to them and eyeing them with great disapproval.
The opening culminated nicely with an interactive performance by a male artist, possibly W. C. Gents himself. He was dressed as a security guard and played the role really convincingly, even to the point of almost scaring me. Of all people, he chose me as his partner in the performance. He came to me, looking quite muscular and burly, and demanded that I leave the facility instantly. Naturally, I played along, by calling him a "faggot", telling him "don't you know who I am" and trying to grope his groin playfully. Then came the really intense, socially commenting part of the performance, as he twisted my arm behind my back, lead me out of the airport and threw me out on the street. It must have looked very realistic to the spectators, judging by the looks on their faces, but I got up smiling and bowed to the audience, even though I was rather bruised and bleeding in the face. All in all, the exhibition was an interesting statement from a relatively unknown new artist and featured several possible future classic pieces of art. And I must say that I feel absolutely privileged of getting to participate in such a great performance!
The gallery was decorated in a rather cold and sterile way, not unlike, say, a public toilet. The exhibition seemed to be themed around sanitation. Many of the works were constructed out of everyday materials that can be found in public spaces: mirrors, paper towels, some kind of stalls and even urinals. There were interesting pictures painted straight on tiled walls with some kind of an earthy substance. Somewhat large constructions, "toilet stalls", which they resembled, were decorated with graffiti-like ornaments that looked like they were drawn with a regular felt pen.
I think that the artist has received much of his influences from the legendary Marcel Duchamp, maybe even to such extent that could be considered plagiarism. But not by yours truly, I thought the row of regular urinals was a great statement and a homage to the great artist. But the toilet seats in the "stalls", as I like to call them, were maybe too much. One even contained a mass of a substance that closely resembled human excrement and even smelled like it. I have no idea what the artist was trying to say with that piece. But the doors of the "stalls", as I mentioned earlier, were covered with beautiful, thought-provoking inscriptions. Some were political ("USA go home"), some just mysterious ("Kilroy was here"), but nevertheless I was impressed by the many talents of the artist: not only a sculptor and a painter, but a poet as well!
I must complain about the servings at the opening though. Only a single bubblegum vending machine and tap water were available. And the bubblegum was the worst I've ever had: ridiculously expensive (2 €) for a single piece of bubblegum, unbelievably stringy and unpleasantly latexy in taste. I'll never have another piece of that Durex brand bubblegum.
And I must mention that I've never before seen such a vulgar crowd in an art exhibition, and I've visited at least three. The people just rushed through the exhibition, were reluctant to discuss about the works of art or taste the servings. A couple of particularly insolent characters even tried to urinate into the pieces on display! Luckily I was there to stop them by standing next to them and eyeing them with great disapproval.
The opening culminated nicely with an interactive performance by a male artist, possibly W. C. Gents himself. He was dressed as a security guard and played the role really convincingly, even to the point of almost scaring me. Of all people, he chose me as his partner in the performance. He came to me, looking quite muscular and burly, and demanded that I leave the facility instantly. Naturally, I played along, by calling him a "faggot", telling him "don't you know who I am" and trying to grope his groin playfully. Then came the really intense, socially commenting part of the performance, as he twisted my arm behind my back, lead me out of the airport and threw me out on the street. It must have looked very realistic to the spectators, judging by the looks on their faces, but I got up smiling and bowed to the audience, even though I was rather bruised and bleeding in the face. All in all, the exhibition was an interesting statement from a relatively unknown new artist and featured several possible future classic pieces of art. And I must say that I feel absolutely privileged of getting to participate in such a great performance!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
So lonely
I realise that it's been almost a year since my first blog post now. It's been an interesting scientific experiment, in a way. Mostly, I'm surprised about the lack of response. And, in a way, not surprised at all. There are billions of blogs in the universe, and I, for one, don't surf random blogs. Even though I realise it's interesting. I just don't have the time. But, based on a counter, which I don't find very reliable at all, it seems that I've had less than one readers a day during the ongoing year. And also, I find myself wanting to get feedback on my posts. And also, wanting to feel that there is a readership.
Looking back, I've found nothing incriminating in my posts. Also, there are very few things that I couldn't let my mother know about. And also, some might say, that I don't communicate enough. Not to mention that hardly any real names of real persons have been mentioned.
Therefore, I've decided to leak the URL to a certain bunch of friends. And threaten them with violence, should they misuse it. We'll see in the end of 2008, if there'll be any difference in the counter statistics.
Looking back, I've found nothing incriminating in my posts. Also, there are very few things that I couldn't let my mother know about. And also, some might say, that I don't communicate enough. Not to mention that hardly any real names of real persons have been mentioned.
Therefore, I've decided to leak the URL to a certain bunch of friends. And threaten them with violence, should they misuse it. We'll see in the end of 2008, if there'll be any difference in the counter statistics.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
News and the weather
Good evening. I’m Josh Truly and this is today’s news and the weather. Maybe it's best for everyone if I admit up front that I am not wearing any pants whatsoever, as is usual for us news anchors. And on to today's topics.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Various excuses
Well. I sat down to write, but I can't seem to squeeze out a real post. Here's an assortment of excuses (one of these is real, the others I just made up, guess which is which):
1) Facebook is just too addictive
2) I had a real good topic, but I'm too drunk now to finish it
3) Insane schedules at work, caused constipation
4) The lettet "t" came loose in my keyboatd
5) I just can't get work-related problems out of my mind
6) I keep worrying about my brother, who's grown a moustache
7) The lack of real problems because I'm just too well-off
8) A skewer through the brains
9) Existential anxiety attack
10) Meaning of life solved, everything else meaningless.
The first one to guess right gets a free, non-banana gift!
1) Facebook is just too addictive
2) I had a real good topic, but I'm too drunk now to finish it
3) Insane schedules at work, caused constipation
4) The lettet "t" came loose in my keyboatd
5) I just can't get work-related problems out of my mind
6) I keep worrying about my brother, who's grown a moustache
7) The lack of real problems because I'm just too well-off
8) A skewer through the brains
9) Existential anxiety attack
10) Meaning of life solved, everything else meaningless.
The first one to guess right gets a free, non-banana gift!
Friday, October 05, 2007
Dressing up
Lately, I haven't given much thought to what to wear to work. I haven't had the time or energy for such matters. Most mornings, I just grab some mouldy old junk from the nearest pile. Usually, it's jeans and a shirt. One day it was a wooden barrel and suspenders. Boy, that was a horrible day.
Maybe I should dress sharper. I'm not sure if it matters. Most men at the company I work in wear suits and ties. Then again, most of them are sales guys or something, while most men in IT wear jeans and T-shirts. So why would it matter? Would it help me advance in my career? I don't know. I think that for a male programmer, there are basically four options:
1) Dress really sharp. Wear suits and ties, only wear jeans to really casual events. This is okay for managers and sales guys, but if you're neither, you take the risk of looking like a prat. And technical people never look really sharp (evidence). If they do, they are probably technically rubbish wannabe managers.
2) Dress somewhat sharp. Wear mostly pressed trousers and shirts. Wear jeans if you like, but if you do, make sure that they are clean, new and not too hip. This makes you look respectable to people who don't know you, and does not alienate technical people.
3) Dress comfortably and practically. Wear jeans, T-shirts, hiking gear and such. This is a common practice for technical people, but business people might not take you seriously in some matters. Usually it does not matter though, because style is not expected from technical people.
4) Dress originally. Look like Marilyn Manson. Or wear a wooden barrel held up by suspenders, whatever you like. This causes you to alienate everyone in a business environment.
Lately I've coasted near option no. 3, but I would like to sharpen it up a notch. I don't know exactly why, though. Maybe I just want to show that I'm one sharp guy, even in the dressing department. Maybe I'm pepping up for the oncoming, overdue salary readjustment. Maybe I'm just perversely attracted to stiff, Dilbertian corporate culture. Yeah, I admit that.
Also, as a male engineer in his thirties, and therefore an expert in style matters, I'd like to offer some fashion tips for everyone:
1) Don't wear ankle-length leather jackets. You don't look like a character from The Matrix, you look like a prat. Unless you're the guitarist from Whitesnake, playing a solo on a hilltop, in front of a sunset, or a nazi officer in 30's Germany. Then they're kind of appropriate.
2) Stretch jeans don't look good on anyone. They are obligatory on glam rockers, they might look nice on hay pole thin female models, but they are just ridiculous on robust women and any adult men. Don't do it, please.
3) Less is the new black. I mean, less is the new more. And, logically, colours are the new black. Also, wimpy might be the new hard, but I'm not totally sure about that.
4) Don't worry about your appearance. When I was younger, I stood in front of a mirror a lot, unhappy, worrying. It didn't help at all. The only thing that helped was to forget about it and start doing something useful. Now I wish I'd done something worthwhile all that time.
5) I like skirts. On women that is.
6) Classic style rules. There is a good reason why it is classic.
And what do I look like? Why, something like this, of course:
(Image stolen ruthlessly without any kind of permission, or regrets, whatsoever.)
Maybe I should dress sharper. I'm not sure if it matters. Most men at the company I work in wear suits and ties. Then again, most of them are sales guys or something, while most men in IT wear jeans and T-shirts. So why would it matter? Would it help me advance in my career? I don't know. I think that for a male programmer, there are basically four options:
1) Dress really sharp. Wear suits and ties, only wear jeans to really casual events. This is okay for managers and sales guys, but if you're neither, you take the risk of looking like a prat. And technical people never look really sharp (evidence). If they do, they are probably technically rubbish wannabe managers.
2) Dress somewhat sharp. Wear mostly pressed trousers and shirts. Wear jeans if you like, but if you do, make sure that they are clean, new and not too hip. This makes you look respectable to people who don't know you, and does not alienate technical people.
3) Dress comfortably and practically. Wear jeans, T-shirts, hiking gear and such. This is a common practice for technical people, but business people might not take you seriously in some matters. Usually it does not matter though, because style is not expected from technical people.
4) Dress originally. Look like Marilyn Manson. Or wear a wooden barrel held up by suspenders, whatever you like. This causes you to alienate everyone in a business environment.
Lately I've coasted near option no. 3, but I would like to sharpen it up a notch. I don't know exactly why, though. Maybe I just want to show that I'm one sharp guy, even in the dressing department. Maybe I'm pepping up for the oncoming, overdue salary readjustment. Maybe I'm just perversely attracted to stiff, Dilbertian corporate culture. Yeah, I admit that.
Also, as a male engineer in his thirties, and therefore an expert in style matters, I'd like to offer some fashion tips for everyone:
1) Don't wear ankle-length leather jackets. You don't look like a character from The Matrix, you look like a prat. Unless you're the guitarist from Whitesnake, playing a solo on a hilltop, in front of a sunset, or a nazi officer in 30's Germany. Then they're kind of appropriate.
2) Stretch jeans don't look good on anyone. They are obligatory on glam rockers, they might look nice on hay pole thin female models, but they are just ridiculous on robust women and any adult men. Don't do it, please.
3) Less is the new black. I mean, less is the new more. And, logically, colours are the new black. Also, wimpy might be the new hard, but I'm not totally sure about that.
4) Don't worry about your appearance. When I was younger, I stood in front of a mirror a lot, unhappy, worrying. It didn't help at all. The only thing that helped was to forget about it and start doing something useful. Now I wish I'd done something worthwhile all that time.
5) I like skirts. On women that is.
6) Classic style rules. There is a good reason why it is classic.
And what do I look like? Why, something like this, of course:
(Image stolen ruthlessly without any kind of permission, or regrets, whatsoever.)
Friday, September 14, 2007
Exercise
I like exercise. I even like sports, to some degree. By exercise I mean the sports that you do yourself, and by sports I mean sports in general, as performed by other people. I used to hate sports. I still hate some of them, like ice hockey. Yechhh. I hate it because of its vulgarity and the general ugliness, drunkenness and belligerence of the audience that is drawn to it. And I can't understand why all sports announcers in television have really annoying voices. I guess it's required nowadays, but why, and by whom? Are they trying to impel people from sports for some reason?
But as I was saying, exercise is good for you. There are basically two ways to relate to exercise. Either you hate it or love it. Well, in reality, most people are probably in between, as they bloody well tend to be in all matters, but once again, I will simplify things to make them funnier.
I have a theory on exercise. I imagine the people who hate exercise also have one, and I think it goes like this: exercise is hard and it must be avoided to minimize the pain. My theory goes as follows: exercise is hard, but the more you do it, the easier it gets, and thus the pain is minimized. Think about it: if you always avoid taking the stairs, because you don't like becoming breathless, your physical condition will gradually deteriorate. But if you always take the stairs instead of the elevator, your physical condition will improve, and over time, you will not become breathless anymore. So basically, in the long term, you can't avoid pain by avoiding exercise. Well, I guess, theoretically, you could, but you'd have to gradually exercise less and less, and die very quickly (and somehow painlessly) after becoming unable to walk from the couch to the fridge because of this restriction.
I really like running. I've sometimes recommended running to other people, and among the reasons why they don't want to try it I've heard
- they don't like sweating
- it's hard, you become breathless, and so on
- they once saw a guy running in the summer and his face was really red and it looked painful.
Of course it's hard in the beginning. Anything is hard at first. Learning to walk takes a long time. When you learn how to ride a bicycle, you tend to fall over a lot. You don't know how to swim efficiently by instinct because you're not a fish. Everyone is not a web programmer, even though everyone's had a html course in school. Sorry, I digress.
When you begin running, you must practice a bit and start slowly. Eventually, you will become better at it and it won't be so hard anymore. And eventually, you will enjoy running. People exercise because it makes them feel good. Some of the ways that I feel good in after exercise are
- physical relaxation
- some kind of chemical euphoria (endorphines or something)
- moral superiority (because I exercised while you were munching chips on the couch, weren't you?)
- satisfaction of competitive instincts (because I ran faster than some fat beginners and a grandma on a bicycle)
- the knowledge that my lifespan is once again expanded and the rest of it is likely to be relatively pain-free.
Also, for the non-exercisers, I'd like to add that other benefits of exercising include
- not breaking a sweat because of eating
- not having to cough up your lungs because you ran 20 metres to catch a bus
- the heartattacks will diminish significantly.
I know, this might sound a bit patronising and contemptuous. But if you think about it, the superiority is also yours to take, free, or at least relatively cheap, at the price of decent running shoes. Well, I don't even know why I'm writing this, because judging by the excellent taste in the blogs you choose to read, you must be extremely attractive and probably also a triathlonist who could run, bicycle and swim circles around me. I just wrote it because I'm the man around here and I do whatever I feel like and... ok, honey, I'll come to bed right away.
But as I was saying, exercise is good for you. There are basically two ways to relate to exercise. Either you hate it or love it. Well, in reality, most people are probably in between, as they bloody well tend to be in all matters, but once again, I will simplify things to make them funnier.
I have a theory on exercise. I imagine the people who hate exercise also have one, and I think it goes like this: exercise is hard and it must be avoided to minimize the pain. My theory goes as follows: exercise is hard, but the more you do it, the easier it gets, and thus the pain is minimized. Think about it: if you always avoid taking the stairs, because you don't like becoming breathless, your physical condition will gradually deteriorate. But if you always take the stairs instead of the elevator, your physical condition will improve, and over time, you will not become breathless anymore. So basically, in the long term, you can't avoid pain by avoiding exercise. Well, I guess, theoretically, you could, but you'd have to gradually exercise less and less, and die very quickly (and somehow painlessly) after becoming unable to walk from the couch to the fridge because of this restriction.
I really like running. I've sometimes recommended running to other people, and among the reasons why they don't want to try it I've heard
- they don't like sweating
- it's hard, you become breathless, and so on
- they once saw a guy running in the summer and his face was really red and it looked painful.
Of course it's hard in the beginning. Anything is hard at first. Learning to walk takes a long time. When you learn how to ride a bicycle, you tend to fall over a lot. You don't know how to swim efficiently by instinct because you're not a fish. Everyone is not a web programmer, even though everyone's had a html course in school. Sorry, I digress.
When you begin running, you must practice a bit and start slowly. Eventually, you will become better at it and it won't be so hard anymore. And eventually, you will enjoy running. People exercise because it makes them feel good. Some of the ways that I feel good in after exercise are
- physical relaxation
- some kind of chemical euphoria (endorphines or something)
- moral superiority (because I exercised while you were munching chips on the couch, weren't you?)
- satisfaction of competitive instincts (because I ran faster than some fat beginners and a grandma on a bicycle)
- the knowledge that my lifespan is once again expanded and the rest of it is likely to be relatively pain-free.
Also, for the non-exercisers, I'd like to add that other benefits of exercising include
- not breaking a sweat because of eating
- not having to cough up your lungs because you ran 20 metres to catch a bus
- the heartattacks will diminish significantly.
I know, this might sound a bit patronising and contemptuous. But if you think about it, the superiority is also yours to take, free, or at least relatively cheap, at the price of decent running shoes. Well, I don't even know why I'm writing this, because judging by the excellent taste in the blogs you choose to read, you must be extremely attractive and probably also a triathlonist who could run, bicycle and swim circles around me. I just wrote it because I'm the man around here and I do whatever I feel like and... ok, honey, I'll come to bed right away.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Nature observation
Sigh. I live in a nice neighbourhood. Really nice. It's urban, yet it has a nice small village quality. It was even voted the cosiest neighbourhood (or something like that) in Finland last year. But now, the ecosystem is threatened, because apparently, this bird has nested here. I'm not exactly sure what it is, because I'm not an ornithologist, but if I am not mistaken, it is a representative of a variety of owl or something. If I remember correctly from biology lessons in school, it's distinguishing characteristics are a particularly ugly, screeching voice, frightening appearance and awful lyrics. These characteristics are enough to categorize it as a nuisance, but in addition the parasites usually swarming in its presence are known to be completely tasteless and have a bad 90's style rock sound.
Lately, there have been alarmingly many sightings of the bird in the neighbourhood. I suspect that the nest might be in the attic of a nearby house, because I've been keeping on hearing weird yodeling noises during the summer. Not to mention some strange smells, which also might, probably, originate from the pest. If it's not wiped out as soon as possible, I can imagine it aspiring to appear in every community festivity. Besides the obvious noise detriment, its peasant followers would be sure to flock in and definitely ruin any celebration for us respectable people.
I'm living in the hope that the species is migratory and will spend the winter in some other country, hopefully thousands of kilometres away. The further the better, and let's hope that its sense of direction is not too good. With some luck, it will not be able to navigate back. And for humanity's sake, let's hope that it will get lost forever in some desolate corner of the world totally devoid of any recording equipment.
Lately, there have been alarmingly many sightings of the bird in the neighbourhood. I suspect that the nest might be in the attic of a nearby house, because I've been keeping on hearing weird yodeling noises during the summer. Not to mention some strange smells, which also might, probably, originate from the pest. If it's not wiped out as soon as possible, I can imagine it aspiring to appear in every community festivity. Besides the obvious noise detriment, its peasant followers would be sure to flock in and definitely ruin any celebration for us respectable people.
I'm living in the hope that the species is migratory and will spend the winter in some other country, hopefully thousands of kilometres away. The further the better, and let's hope that its sense of direction is not too good. With some luck, it will not be able to navigate back. And for humanity's sake, let's hope that it will get lost forever in some desolate corner of the world totally devoid of any recording equipment.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Do I think I have the authority to instruct anyone about writing? Apparently, yes.
I feel the urge to write an article, but can't decide on the topic. I do have some topics, but none of them interests me enough at the moment. These include:
1) A review of the album The Good, The Bad & The Queen (which is my favourite piece of music at the moment, in fact I'm listening to it currently).
2) Something about computers, so I can brag about my shiny, new, very cool laptop.
3) Running (my favourite brand of sport).
4) Cycling (my other favourite brand of sport).
5) Housekeeping (to stay true to my chosen topic). Yawn.
6) A rant about the immense stupidity of coworkers is always nice.
7) Sex keeps on selling, but I hesitate to write about that, because I'm afraid friends and aqcuiantances will find this blog someday. And that might be awkward.
I will tackle all of these topics in time (with the exception of sex, unless explicitly requested by a huge mass of readers) but maybe I'll just muse on aimlessly tonight. Yeah, that should keep the reader(s) uninterested.
I remember a Finnish lesson from preliminary school. We were supposed to write essays, and I think that somebody complained that he/she can't think of anything to write about. So the teacher told us to write about small things. She told us not to embrace too large topics at once. Instead of trying to summarize the history, present and the future of mankind in your essay, take one moment in time, one city, one house and one brick in the facade of the house. Start writing about the brick. I think I wrote about my pencil. The essay became lengthy, and might I say, great. I wish I had it somewhere. Anyway, the lesson stuck in my mind. I think it was a great idea, and still is, and it might have been the most significant thing I learned in preliminary school. Well, besides the obvious stuff, like reading, writing, mathematics and manners. Oh wait, manners I didn't learn. F**k.
Scott Adams recently told us how to write funny in his blog. I think his writing is funny, but a bit too impertinent at times. But anyway, I couldn't agree more about one thing he said: write simple sentences. That works.
I have an ambition: I want to include as many different words as possible in the posts of this blog. I consciously try to use a broad vocabulary. I just wonder how many words there are in English, and how many of them I have used so far. Well, a bit of Googling suggests that English has about two hundred thousands words. Rats. I have a lot to write about left. How egregious.
So, it seems that this post is about writing. I've listed some (ok, all) of the principles I have about writing. There you have it: about small things, simply put, but with lots of fancy words. And apparently (ha! got to use that word), I seem to be able to write about nearly anything for a length. At least I'd like to think I can. If that's a requirement to be a professional writer, I'm nearly there. But probably they will require it to be interesting too. Damn!
Oh, and one more thing. When writing blog posts, I like to write the main text first, then add a witty opening paragraph and then think of the title. Must make up the title now.
1) A review of the album The Good, The Bad & The Queen (which is my favourite piece of music at the moment, in fact I'm listening to it currently).
2) Something about computers, so I can brag about my shiny, new, very cool laptop.
3) Running (my favourite brand of sport).
4) Cycling (my other favourite brand of sport).
5) Housekeeping (to stay true to my chosen topic). Yawn.
6) A rant about the immense stupidity of coworkers is always nice.
7) Sex keeps on selling, but I hesitate to write about that, because I'm afraid friends and aqcuiantances will find this blog someday. And that might be awkward.
I will tackle all of these topics in time (with the exception of sex, unless explicitly requested by a huge mass of readers) but maybe I'll just muse on aimlessly tonight. Yeah, that should keep the reader(s) uninterested.
I remember a Finnish lesson from preliminary school. We were supposed to write essays, and I think that somebody complained that he/she can't think of anything to write about. So the teacher told us to write about small things. She told us not to embrace too large topics at once. Instead of trying to summarize the history, present and the future of mankind in your essay, take one moment in time, one city, one house and one brick in the facade of the house. Start writing about the brick. I think I wrote about my pencil. The essay became lengthy, and might I say, great. I wish I had it somewhere. Anyway, the lesson stuck in my mind. I think it was a great idea, and still is, and it might have been the most significant thing I learned in preliminary school. Well, besides the obvious stuff, like reading, writing, mathematics and manners. Oh wait, manners I didn't learn. F**k.
Scott Adams recently told us how to write funny in his blog. I think his writing is funny, but a bit too impertinent at times. But anyway, I couldn't agree more about one thing he said: write simple sentences. That works.
I have an ambition: I want to include as many different words as possible in the posts of this blog. I consciously try to use a broad vocabulary. I just wonder how many words there are in English, and how many of them I have used so far. Well, a bit of Googling suggests that English has about two hundred thousands words. Rats. I have a lot to write about left. How egregious.
So, it seems that this post is about writing. I've listed some (ok, all) of the principles I have about writing. There you have it: about small things, simply put, but with lots of fancy words. And apparently (ha! got to use that word), I seem to be able to write about nearly anything for a length. At least I'd like to think I can. If that's a requirement to be a professional writer, I'm nearly there. But probably they will require it to be interesting too. Damn!
Oh, and one more thing. When writing blog posts, I like to write the main text first, then add a witty opening paragraph and then think of the title. Must make up the title now.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Sea, sex, sun and IT support
I've been on vacation for a couple of weeks now. It's been strange not to work but luckily I've been able to do some computer maintenance for relatives to reduce the withdrawal symptoms.
Here's an example of a sweet, relaxing session of tinkering in the general field of my chosen profession. The purpose of it was to find out why my mother-in-law can't access her email. I already updated her computer earlier. It's old and has a slow modem connection, so doing anything of significance, like starting the computer or opening nearly any modern web page (except Google) takes forever (or at least several minutes).
Mother-in-law: Could you check what's wrong with my email? I tried to go there but when I gave the password it didn't work and then it froze somehow and I couldn't do anything so I had to pull the plug. We can try it now again, you do have time do you? I'll just start this thing. It all went okay when I opened the Internet but then I gave the password and the email didn't work and... (she's talkative)
Me: Sure, let's see...
(She keeps on explaining the problem, very verbose, while the computer starts up.)
Mother-in-law: ... and what is that window anyhow? What should I do about it? Now let's go to the Internet...
Me: That's the virus protection program updating itself. You don't have to do anything.
Mother-in-law: ... so when I enter the password here, I still have the default password, I should probably have changed it, there's no email anywhere...
(I look at the operator's portal page, never seen it before, I can't see a link to email anywhere either.)
Mother-in-law: ... here, you can sit here and check this out, could be something with the operator's connections or something...
(Mother-in-law wanders off. All the while my kid plays at my feet and wants to sit in my lap and bang the keyboard every now and then. I try to find out how to access the operator's webmail. There's a link to "email" but when it's clicked, you're redirected to a fancy web 2.0 application that doesn't seem to have a link to any email application whatsoever. Also it is excruciatingly slow to load with a modem connection. I try the same thing with a different browser, but no donut. I install a plugin the first browser keeps on complaining about. Then Windows Update wants to restart the computer so I let it. I play with the kid for ten minutes while the computer restarts.)
Mother-in-law: Did you find the problem? Oh, you're not done yet...
(The kid pushes reset button on the front panel of the computer so it restarts again. We continue playing.)
Wife: Are you done? Why don't you stop playing with the computer?
Me: No, I'm not done, this takes a while because it's very slow to do load web pages with this...
Wife: Ok, ok, I didn't ask for your life story.
(Mother-in-law and wife wander off. I try reading the operator's manuals and faqs to find how to access the webmail application. No help. I get irritated enough to want to call their helpdesk, but can't find a phone number anywhere. Instead they have a web application that supposed to diagnose Internet connection problems. Also the operator has notoriously bad telephone support service, so I doubt that I could be able to get through anyway.)
Father-in-law: Hey, could you find some motorcycles for me in the Internet? (He's totally Internet illiterate and wants me to search for classified ads for a vintage motorcycle.)
Me: Uh, I'm kind of in the middle of something...
Father-in-law: Sure, do that thing first.
(Father-in-law wanders off. Mother-in-law returns to check again if I'm done. The kid wants to sit in my lap again and bang the keyboard some more. Wife walks by and frowns at me. I check some user forums to see if other people have problems with the operator's webmail. My mother calls me and gives me a list of things to get from the grocery store for her. The firewall program announces that it has updated itself and the computer must be restarted. I let it and wait for ten minutes again. Hey, I'm not in a hurry, I'm on vacation.)
Wife: Could you stop doing that and help me with packing? (We're going to my parents' house.)
Me: I can't right now, I have to do this now, there's no time later.
(I find some forum threads where people complain about the operator and it's webmail being constantly down. It seems possible, that the operator has disabled access to the webmail application. I try to read the threads but the Internet connection is disconnected. I re-connect.)
Wife: Stop doing that computer stuff now, will you?
Me: OK!
(I've gotten a bit annoyed here. I go to the couch and start reading the paper. My wife turns off the computer.)
Mother-in-law: What was wrong with email? Is it working now?
Wife: Yeah, what was wrong with that?
Me: No, it's not working! I don't know! You told me to stop fixing it so I did!
(I read the paper, angrily, for a few minutes.)
Wife: Could you look at the email problem? I can restart the computer for you. There's no reason to be angry, you can do what you want, it's vacation after all...
(I go back to the computer, wait for it to start up again and try to read the forums again. It seems that there are other people who haven't been able to access their, email accounts recently and the portal has been lately changed.)
Me: It seems that the webmail is down for the moment, so we'll just have to wait and call the operator later, if it doesn't start working. (It's frustrating to leave this unfinished but what can I do.)
Mother-in-law: Ok, well, I don't use email much anyway so it doesn't really matter.
(The end.)
Sigh. It was nice but still not quite like work. It would have been nice to have some project managers presenting contradicting requirements in a shouting fashion and possibly blaring some kinds of air horns behind my back while poking me with sharp wooden sticks to get that workly feeling. At least it 's only a couple of days and I can stop drinking these margaritas under the palm tree, get up from this hammock and get back to work. Ahhh...
Here's an example of a sweet, relaxing session of tinkering in the general field of my chosen profession. The purpose of it was to find out why my mother-in-law can't access her email. I already updated her computer earlier. It's old and has a slow modem connection, so doing anything of significance, like starting the computer or opening nearly any modern web page (except Google) takes forever (or at least several minutes).
Mother-in-law: Could you check what's wrong with my email? I tried to go there but when I gave the password it didn't work and then it froze somehow and I couldn't do anything so I had to pull the plug. We can try it now again, you do have time do you? I'll just start this thing. It all went okay when I opened the Internet but then I gave the password and the email didn't work and... (she's talkative)
Me: Sure, let's see...
(She keeps on explaining the problem, very verbose, while the computer starts up.)
Mother-in-law: ... and what is that window anyhow? What should I do about it? Now let's go to the Internet...
Me: That's the virus protection program updating itself. You don't have to do anything.
Mother-in-law: ... so when I enter the password here, I still have the default password, I should probably have changed it, there's no email anywhere...
(I look at the operator's portal page, never seen it before, I can't see a link to email anywhere either.)
Mother-in-law: ... here, you can sit here and check this out, could be something with the operator's connections or something...
(Mother-in-law wanders off. All the while my kid plays at my feet and wants to sit in my lap and bang the keyboard every now and then. I try to find out how to access the operator's webmail. There's a link to "email" but when it's clicked, you're redirected to a fancy web 2.0 application that doesn't seem to have a link to any email application whatsoever. Also it is excruciatingly slow to load with a modem connection. I try the same thing with a different browser, but no donut. I install a plugin the first browser keeps on complaining about. Then Windows Update wants to restart the computer so I let it. I play with the kid for ten minutes while the computer restarts.)
Mother-in-law: Did you find the problem? Oh, you're not done yet...
(The kid pushes reset button on the front panel of the computer so it restarts again. We continue playing.)
Wife: Are you done? Why don't you stop playing with the computer?
Me: No, I'm not done, this takes a while because it's very slow to do load web pages with this...
Wife: Ok, ok, I didn't ask for your life story.
(Mother-in-law and wife wander off. I try reading the operator's manuals and faqs to find how to access the webmail application. No help. I get irritated enough to want to call their helpdesk, but can't find a phone number anywhere. Instead they have a web application that supposed to diagnose Internet connection problems. Also the operator has notoriously bad telephone support service, so I doubt that I could be able to get through anyway.)
Father-in-law: Hey, could you find some motorcycles for me in the Internet? (He's totally Internet illiterate and wants me to search for classified ads for a vintage motorcycle.)
Me: Uh, I'm kind of in the middle of something...
Father-in-law: Sure, do that thing first.
(Father-in-law wanders off. Mother-in-law returns to check again if I'm done. The kid wants to sit in my lap again and bang the keyboard some more. Wife walks by and frowns at me. I check some user forums to see if other people have problems with the operator's webmail. My mother calls me and gives me a list of things to get from the grocery store for her. The firewall program announces that it has updated itself and the computer must be restarted. I let it and wait for ten minutes again. Hey, I'm not in a hurry, I'm on vacation.)
Wife: Could you stop doing that and help me with packing? (We're going to my parents' house.)
Me: I can't right now, I have to do this now, there's no time later.
(I find some forum threads where people complain about the operator and it's webmail being constantly down. It seems possible, that the operator has disabled access to the webmail application. I try to read the threads but the Internet connection is disconnected. I re-connect.)
Wife: Stop doing that computer stuff now, will you?
Me: OK!
(I've gotten a bit annoyed here. I go to the couch and start reading the paper. My wife turns off the computer.)
Mother-in-law: What was wrong with email? Is it working now?
Wife: Yeah, what was wrong with that?
Me: No, it's not working! I don't know! You told me to stop fixing it so I did!
(I read the paper, angrily, for a few minutes.)
Wife: Could you look at the email problem? I can restart the computer for you. There's no reason to be angry, you can do what you want, it's vacation after all...
(I go back to the computer, wait for it to start up again and try to read the forums again. It seems that there are other people who haven't been able to access their, email accounts recently and the portal has been lately changed.)
Me: It seems that the webmail is down for the moment, so we'll just have to wait and call the operator later, if it doesn't start working. (It's frustrating to leave this unfinished but what can I do.)
Mother-in-law: Ok, well, I don't use email much anyway so it doesn't really matter.
(The end.)
Sigh. It was nice but still not quite like work. It would have been nice to have some project managers presenting contradicting requirements in a shouting fashion and possibly blaring some kinds of air horns behind my back while poking me with sharp wooden sticks to get that workly feeling. At least it 's only a couple of days and I can stop drinking these margaritas under the palm tree, get up from this hammock and get back to work. Ahhh...
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Flat post
I've only recently realised that for women, interior design is a neverending process. Before, I had the comprehension that one day, in the near future, everything in the apartment will be perfect and there's no need to do interior design anymore. But now I understand that day will never come.
For guys, at least most of them, at least the heterosexual ones, I think, the interior design is a practical matter. You move in, you have some furniture, you get some more if it's necessary, you arrange them as you like and that's it. The apartment is mostly in a constant state.
But women, at least most of them, I think, approach interior design in a fundamentally different way. Although everything in the apartment is very nice, and everything has been well thought out, changed and redesigned many times, there still is something to change and improve. They always have plans to get rid of something and purchase some other thing to replace it.
...
Well, this turned out to be a flat subject. Everything changes, nothing is permanent except change, yadda yadda. I thought that I had some conclusion to draw but now I'm too bored to remember it. So, to conclude with a joke: did you notice how men always leave the toilet seat up?
...
(That was the joke.)
For guys, at least most of them, at least the heterosexual ones, I think, the interior design is a practical matter. You move in, you have some furniture, you get some more if it's necessary, you arrange them as you like and that's it. The apartment is mostly in a constant state.
But women, at least most of them, I think, approach interior design in a fundamentally different way. Although everything in the apartment is very nice, and everything has been well thought out, changed and redesigned many times, there still is something to change and improve. They always have plans to get rid of something and purchase some other thing to replace it.
...
Well, this turned out to be a flat subject. Everything changes, nothing is permanent except change, yadda yadda. I thought that I had some conclusion to draw but now I'm too bored to remember it. So, to conclude with a joke: did you notice how men always leave the toilet seat up?
...
(That was the joke.)
Friday, June 08, 2007
A post about me (for a change)
I like to finish things. Today we went to Ikea, and bought a kitchen cupboardish kind of a piece of furniture. It was sold in parts, of course, so I had to assemble it myself. That took about two hours, maybe three if you count cleaning up afterwards, and I've studied to become a carpenter. I wonder how the average Joe Nobody from Whocareslandia manages to do that at all. I'm beat. But I had to finish it, I couldn't just leave it to be possibly done in the near future. It would have bothered me. So now I'm satisfied.
Ten other things I like doing or am obsessed with, in no particular order:
1) drinking plenty of coffee
2) deadpan comedy in everyday situations
3) writing a blog
4) watching women's asses
5) playing the bass
6) driving the car
7) listening to Raptori (a groundbreaking Finnish rap group) while driving the car
8) indentating the program code properly
9) having extra money
10) rollerskating.
Ten other things I like doing or am obsessed with, in no particular order:
1) drinking plenty of coffee
2) deadpan comedy in everyday situations
3) writing a blog
4) watching women's asses
5) playing the bass
6) driving the car
7) listening to Raptori (a groundbreaking Finnish rap group) while driving the car
8) indentating the program code properly
9) having extra money
10) rollerskating.
Friday, June 01, 2007
BS programming
Boy, what a grueling week at work. I'm so tired. But instead of ranting about the Dilbertian moments, the nazi-style leadership apparently in favour in some unnamed consulting companies and the absurd meetings I've been in this week, I thought I'd write about something else tonight. You know, I'd like to maintain a cheery mood in this blog. Bitter complaining can be entertaining to read, but there's a time and a place for everything, and that's next week, this blog.
So, I'll write about a programming exercise I came up with today. It might even become a new trend, or paradigm, if you will, in programming. Why not, other senseless trends have emerged before. It's called Backwards Sprogramming, or BS for short.
Basically the idea is as follows: the program code should be executed from the end to the beginning, instead of vice versa, as usually. This can be achieved by using GOTO statements. Using GOTO statements also has the advantage of eliminating loop structures. The same functionality can be achieved by simply using GOTO's, and this makes the code possibly faster. I'll add an example procedure here as soon possible (I already wrote it, but left it at work and now can't be bothered to do it again).
Edit: Finally, here's the example you've eagerly been waiting for. Sorry about the lack of indentation, but this edit window really likes to mangle any attempts to format this properly. I don't even know if this is the original piece of code anymore. Oh no! Now the b*****d f*****g did it again! F**k! S**t! #!&€!!
CREATE OR REPLACE PROCEDURE backward_proc IS
n_index PLS_INTEGER := 0;
BEGIN
GOTO start_proc;
<<end_proc>>
dbms_output.put_line('backward_proc end');
RETURN;
<<step_3>>
IF n_index < 10 THEN
n_index := n_index + 1;
dbms_output.put_line('Looping, iteration '||TO_CHAR(n_index));
GOTO step_3;
ELSE
GOTO end_proc;
END IF;
<<step_2>>
dbms_output.put_line('Doing the second thing');
GOTO step_3;
<<step_1>>
dbms_output.put_line('Doing the first thing');
GOTO step_2;
<<start_proc>>
dbms_output.put_line('backward_proc start');
GOTO step_1;
END backward_proc;
/
Without doing any research, but with a straight face, and who are you to criticize me anyway, I claim that GOTO statements are present in most programming languages even today, so BS can be followed regardless of the choice of programming language. And the benefits are virtually the same in any language.
So, why should BS be used? It's totally senseless, and makes the program code hard to understand and maintain. Well, that's exactly why, because that makes it the perfect equivalent for the managerial BS practices often used, with undeniable success, in the IT field today. Also, any fatal failings of any given system developed using BS can easily and undeniably be explained by the unmaintainability and complexity of the code. This also ensures that there are plenty of work opportunities for BS experts, because they will be the only ones capable (and willing) to touch systems developed with BS.
The benefits of this paradigm are clear, so I encourage all developers in any organization to embrace them and start using BS today (or the next one banking day after this one). I know I will.
So, I'll write about a programming exercise I came up with today. It might even become a new trend, or paradigm, if you will, in programming. Why not, other senseless trends have emerged before. It's called Backwards Sprogramming, or BS for short.
Basically the idea is as follows: the program code should be executed from the end to the beginning, instead of vice versa, as usually. This can be achieved by using GOTO statements. Using GOTO statements also has the advantage of eliminating loop structures. The same functionality can be achieved by simply using GOTO's, and this makes the code possibly faster. I'll add an example procedure here as soon possible (I already wrote it, but left it at work and now can't be bothered to do it again).
Edit: Finally, here's the example you've eagerly been waiting for. Sorry about the lack of indentation, but this edit window really likes to mangle any attempts to format this properly. I don't even know if this is the original piece of code anymore. Oh no! Now the b*****d f*****g did it again! F**k! S**t! #!&€!!
CREATE OR REPLACE PROCEDURE backward_proc IS
n_index PLS_INTEGER := 0;
BEGIN
GOTO start_proc;
<<end_proc>>
dbms_output.put_line('backward_proc end');
RETURN;
<<step_3>>
IF n_index < 10 THEN
n_index := n_index + 1;
dbms_output.put_line('Looping, iteration '||TO_CHAR(n_index));
GOTO step_3;
ELSE
GOTO end_proc;
END IF;
<<step_2>>
dbms_output.put_line('Doing the second thing');
GOTO step_3;
<<step_1>>
dbms_output.put_line('Doing the first thing');
GOTO step_2;
<<start_proc>>
dbms_output.put_line('backward_proc start');
GOTO step_1;
END backward_proc;
/
Without doing any research, but with a straight face, and who are you to criticize me anyway, I claim that GOTO statements are present in most programming languages even today, so BS can be followed regardless of the choice of programming language. And the benefits are virtually the same in any language.
So, why should BS be used? It's totally senseless, and makes the program code hard to understand and maintain. Well, that's exactly why, because that makes it the perfect equivalent for the managerial BS practices often used, with undeniable success, in the IT field today. Also, any fatal failings of any given system developed using BS can easily and undeniably be explained by the unmaintainability and complexity of the code. This also ensures that there are plenty of work opportunities for BS experts, because they will be the only ones capable (and willing) to touch systems developed with BS.
The benefits of this paradigm are clear, so I encourage all developers in any organization to embrace them and start using BS today (or the next one banking day after this one). I know I will.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
The greatest music video in the world
The greatest music video in the world is The Perfect Kiss by New Order. There's no question about it. That's because I have absolute taste in music (as opposed to absolute pitch), and I'm telling you. Here's a YouTube link to it.
The video is revolutionary in an astonishingly simple way. In it the musicians actually play the song live in the studio, and that's it. Seeing the musicians actually playing, instead of pretending to play, as is usual in music videos, is really exciting and refreshing. They're really concentrating on the performance, and as they aren't actually virtuous players/singers, it's not obvious that they're going to make it through the song without major errors. But they do. And the few bum notes just make it more interesting, in my opinion.
The video is great also because it includes possibly the greatest bass player ever, Peter Hook, wearing a biker jacket and some kind of funny looking sweater pants, playing kick-ass bass. The main riff of the song is a high bass line. The line goes so high it must be played on a bass that has more frets than usual. Now that's kick-ass. And the bass part in the end of the song is just so... ass-kicky. (Appreciate the kick-ass range of my vocabulary. This review might end up resembling the one Homer's dog wrote.)
Other groin-grabbingly great moments in the video:
- The boyish haircut of Bernard Sumner. I love it.
- The 80's-style businesswoman look of Gillian Gilbert. I love it.
- Unusual instruments: synth drums, cowbell, weird synthesizer sounds (including frog samples).
- The Joy Division references: the Joy Division poster visible behind Bernard Sumner in the end of the video and the out of focus person watching the band perform (reference to Joy Division singer Ian Curtis put there by director Jonathan Demme according to speculations).
- The bored facial expressions of the band members in the very end of the video. They seem to say "Ok, it's done, now let's go get pie". They're musicians at work, not clowns prancing around for the camera. You just can't get any cooler than that.
Ok, I think this post is done. Now let's go get pie.
The video is revolutionary in an astonishingly simple way. In it the musicians actually play the song live in the studio, and that's it. Seeing the musicians actually playing, instead of pretending to play, as is usual in music videos, is really exciting and refreshing. They're really concentrating on the performance, and as they aren't actually virtuous players/singers, it's not obvious that they're going to make it through the song without major errors. But they do. And the few bum notes just make it more interesting, in my opinion.
The video is great also because it includes possibly the greatest bass player ever, Peter Hook, wearing a biker jacket and some kind of funny looking sweater pants, playing kick-ass bass. The main riff of the song is a high bass line. The line goes so high it must be played on a bass that has more frets than usual. Now that's kick-ass. And the bass part in the end of the song is just so... ass-kicky. (Appreciate the kick-ass range of my vocabulary. This review might end up resembling the one Homer's dog wrote.)
Other groin-grabbingly great moments in the video:
- The boyish haircut of Bernard Sumner. I love it.
- The 80's-style businesswoman look of Gillian Gilbert. I love it.
- Unusual instruments: synth drums, cowbell, weird synthesizer sounds (including frog samples).
- The Joy Division references: the Joy Division poster visible behind Bernard Sumner in the end of the video and the out of focus person watching the band perform (reference to Joy Division singer Ian Curtis put there by director Jonathan Demme according to speculations).
- The bored facial expressions of the band members in the very end of the video. They seem to say "Ok, it's done, now let's go get pie". They're musicians at work, not clowns prancing around for the camera. You just can't get any cooler than that.
Ok, I think this post is done. Now let's go get pie.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Cleaning, meditating and burping
Tonight I've been doing what I like best: beer cleaning, or cleaBURRRPning, as I like to call it. You know, having a couple of beers while cleaning the household while having a couple of beers. And cleaning the household while I'm at it. My wife and kid are away visiting relatives this week, and I've been having a relaxing week all by myself. Except my wife gave me two minor tasks to accomplish during the week: 1) work overtime as much as possible and 2) clean the household thoroughly. So I'm afraid this week of sweet, peaceful relaxation might kill me with exertion.
(Wow, they fixed the publish by pressing ctrl-s feature I complained a couple of posts ago. Way to go, Blogger! Yippee-wippee! Wippee!)
But seriously, it's nice to have a lot of things to do. I definitely prefer that to being idle. I can't properly enjoy slacking off anymore, or more accurately, I think I can't, I don't know because I haven't done it in a long time. I need to accomplish something every day to feel worthwhile. I wonder how I will survive the oncoming summer vacation, you know, with all the sleeping-in-the-hammock, wearing-a-straw-hat-and-a-straw-in-your-mouth and spitting-to-the-ceiling kind of stuff. Well, fortunately, you can't just sit around on your hands all day when you have a small kid. They are good at keeping you busy.
I just thought of an aforism of some kind. "Everything is made for hard usage". Take my genitals, for example. No wait, don't, take a human for example. I think that a human feels well when it is put to use instead of just lying around. This also applies to sports cars, sneakers and about everything else. I can't understand people who collect sneakers and never use them. Of course, eventually, things break, when they're used, but usually it does not happen too early if things are used properly, and serviced every now and then.
By the way, here was a thought that was not carefully thought out, but I just presented it to you with a straight face. Actually most of these blog entries are written very fast. This blog is about blurting things out, not thinking them through, dammit!
Might I say, that I wrote this blog entry while I was cleaning. I just did it in my head, and when it was done, attached a USB cable to my ear, downloaded the file to my computer and copy-pasted it here. It's nicer to do it like that, instead of sitting down to write. When cleaning, you don't actually have to think hard, it just happens automatically, while you scrub away.
(Wow, they fixed the publish by pressing ctrl-s feature I complained a couple of posts ago. Way to go, Blogger! Yippee-wippee! Wippee!)
But seriously, it's nice to have a lot of things to do. I definitely prefer that to being idle. I can't properly enjoy slacking off anymore, or more accurately, I think I can't, I don't know because I haven't done it in a long time. I need to accomplish something every day to feel worthwhile. I wonder how I will survive the oncoming summer vacation, you know, with all the sleeping-in-the-hammock, wearing-a-straw-hat-and-a-straw-in-your-mouth and spitting-to-the-ceiling kind of stuff. Well, fortunately, you can't just sit around on your hands all day when you have a small kid. They are good at keeping you busy.
I just thought of an aforism of some kind. "Everything is made for hard usage". Take my genitals, for example. No wait, don't, take a human for example. I think that a human feels well when it is put to use instead of just lying around. This also applies to sports cars, sneakers and about everything else. I can't understand people who collect sneakers and never use them. Of course, eventually, things break, when they're used, but usually it does not happen too early if things are used properly, and serviced every now and then.
By the way, here was a thought that was not carefully thought out, but I just presented it to you with a straight face. Actually most of these blog entries are written very fast. This blog is about blurting things out, not thinking them through, dammit!
Might I say, that I wrote this blog entry while I was cleaning. I just did it in my head, and when it was done, attached a USB cable to my ear, downloaded the file to my computer and copy-pasted it here. It's nicer to do it like that, instead of sitting down to write. When cleaning, you don't actually have to think hard, it just happens automatically, while you scrub away.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Touch typing rules
Touch typing is a great skill for an IT worker like myself, or anybody who uses a computer, come to think of it. I'm really glad I learnt how to do it when I first became an in-front-of-the-computer-sitting, doing-all-kinds-of-nerdy-things guy. Sure, it was hard for a couple of months, and I remember being really frustrated when my fingers wouldn't do what my brain told them to do. But after a while it got easier, and now, several years later, typing comes from the spine. I don't need to think about it.
The main advantages of touch typing (and using all ten fingers to type), compared to locating keys by sight and typing with 1-10 fingers, your nose, or whatever appendages the unenlightened like to use, are, in my opinion:
1) you don't have to look at the keyboard, instead you can keep your sight focused on the screen
2) typing is much faster
3) you look cool, in a nerdy way.
For some reason, I still remember part a conversation I overheard when I studied to become a software engineer. A student was presenting his project, a touch typing tutorial program, to a teacher. The part I remember was the teacher saying something like "it's not important for a programmer to know touch typing". I strongly disagree. I think it's a great, sharp tool for any programmer and should be taught (and obligatory) wherever programmers are taught.
I can understand the teacher's point of view. He probably thought of programming as intellectual exercises, of perfecting algorithms. Well, it is that, but it usually involves lots of other related work, like writing documentation, testing, doing maintenance work and so on. The teacher probably liked solving programming problems at evening, sitting in an armchair in his mansion while sipping cognac. If that's what programming is to you, then you might as well punch the keys with your cigar, if you like. But when you're churning out code and documentation for a living, 24/7, as I'm doing right now, speed becomes important. That's right, I work so hard that I'm actually coding right now with my back hands, or feet if that's what you like to call them. Whew. It ain't easy, you know.
I would claim that typing by touch makes you a better programmer. Nowadays, most programs have graphical user interfaces. If you find typing hard, you will use graphical tools to do things instead of command line tools. That is okay in some cases, but not always. An example: I've noticed that many of my coworkers like to use the graphical schema browser of Toad to look at data in database tables. Toad is allright (despite being a buggy piece of s**t) for some things, but I maintain that only amateurs inspect database tables through a graphical user interface. You should write the queries yourself. It's faster. And if you do that, you get to practice SQL all the time, and that makes you a better programmer. I guess that it's the same in most programming environments today: you can do a lot of things by clicking in an IDE. That's okay, but you should know what happens under the hood, and whether the GUI is slowing you down or making your work easier.
In my experience, it seems that a surprisingly large portion of programmers are trying to get away with less typing. I think that it partially explains the sparse comments, bad naming conventions and wrong indentation, which are all very common properties of bad code. If typing is drudgery for you, you will be reluctant to do these things properly. Also, you will be more reluctant to change things, when they're once done, and rewriting code is important to make it better. Usually, you don't get it completely right the first time.
I pictured this an epic subject before beginning to write, but now, what I've managed to get written seems sparse. Well, the book will be more elaborate, I promise. Now, to get some well deserved sleep...
The main advantages of touch typing (and using all ten fingers to type), compared to locating keys by sight and typing with 1-10 fingers, your nose, or whatever appendages the unenlightened like to use, are, in my opinion:
1) you don't have to look at the keyboard, instead you can keep your sight focused on the screen
2) typing is much faster
3) you look cool, in a nerdy way.
For some reason, I still remember part a conversation I overheard when I studied to become a software engineer. A student was presenting his project, a touch typing tutorial program, to a teacher. The part I remember was the teacher saying something like "it's not important for a programmer to know touch typing". I strongly disagree. I think it's a great, sharp tool for any programmer and should be taught (and obligatory) wherever programmers are taught.
I can understand the teacher's point of view. He probably thought of programming as intellectual exercises, of perfecting algorithms. Well, it is that, but it usually involves lots of other related work, like writing documentation, testing, doing maintenance work and so on. The teacher probably liked solving programming problems at evening, sitting in an armchair in his mansion while sipping cognac. If that's what programming is to you, then you might as well punch the keys with your cigar, if you like. But when you're churning out code and documentation for a living, 24/7, as I'm doing right now, speed becomes important. That's right, I work so hard that I'm actually coding right now with my back hands, or feet if that's what you like to call them. Whew. It ain't easy, you know.
I would claim that typing by touch makes you a better programmer. Nowadays, most programs have graphical user interfaces. If you find typing hard, you will use graphical tools to do things instead of command line tools. That is okay in some cases, but not always. An example: I've noticed that many of my coworkers like to use the graphical schema browser of Toad to look at data in database tables. Toad is allright (despite being a buggy piece of s**t) for some things, but I maintain that only amateurs inspect database tables through a graphical user interface. You should write the queries yourself. It's faster. And if you do that, you get to practice SQL all the time, and that makes you a better programmer. I guess that it's the same in most programming environments today: you can do a lot of things by clicking in an IDE. That's okay, but you should know what happens under the hood, and whether the GUI is slowing you down or making your work easier.
In my experience, it seems that a surprisingly large portion of programmers are trying to get away with less typing. I think that it partially explains the sparse comments, bad naming conventions and wrong indentation, which are all very common properties of bad code. If typing is drudgery for you, you will be reluctant to do these things properly. Also, you will be more reluctant to change things, when they're once done, and rewriting code is important to make it better. Usually, you don't get it completely right the first time.
I pictured this an epic subject before beginning to write, but now, what I've managed to get written seems sparse. Well, the book will be more elaborate, I promise. Now, to get some well deserved sleep...
Friday, April 27, 2007
Hair plans
It's Friday again, so here's a new post. This seems to be a nice way to unwind after a hard week at work, having a couple of glasses of wine and writing some blog. It's nice at least if I don't overdo it by writing too many glasses of blog. If that should happen, tomorrow morning will be dreary, because the leathery alarm clock is exact. And you can't turn it off.
But oh yeah, on to the topic, if that's any consolation to you. It probably will not get any more interesting after this. But I've been thinking about getting a haircut for a couple of days. It's funny how hair grows. After getting a haircut, it's tidy for a couple of weeks, but then one morning it's suddenly overgrown with all kinds of tufts sticking out. And my hair seems to grow only on the sides and back nowadays, the top of my head stays about the same (thin). The only places on my body where hair is plentiful are nostrils and... erm, should I be writing about this?
(Side note: since when has ctrl-s meant "publish"? I don't like this Blogger function. Why doesn't it mean "save" like it does anywhere else? Now I always accidentally publish unfinished posts.)
I hate getting haircuts. I quite like the actual sitting in a chair, being groomed, reading a paper. But I don't like getting there. I never reserve haircuts beforehand, for some reason I don't just want to do it. I want to walk into a barbershop and get a haircut at once. Sometimes there's a customer, and you have to wait. I don't like that either. I want it to be simple: walk in, sit in a chair for 20 minutes, pay, walk out. I don't like it if lasts longer than 20 minutes. That's why I always go for the cruddy, cheap joints: they do it fast and rough. Also, there's less of a chance that there's a customer in there, or that they're booked full. And I don't want to pay very much for a crappy 20 minute hairjob. And the place should be near my daily route from home to work. It's not easy to fulfill these requirements. Well, actually, there is a barbershop just like this, but the last time I was there, the barber cut my ear, and now I'm kind of afraid to go there again. And the chair was really uncomfortable.
Sigh. I know I'm making it more difficult than it is. But I partially hope that I would already go bald enough so I could just give it up and shave it all off. I think it would be fun, the shaving, I mean. On the other hand, there's still a part of me that doesn't want to become a giant roll-on. But let's face it, it's inevitable. It's going. It's already kind of see-through on top. And I'm not going to be desperate about it, like eat some overpriced nature product that's supposed to restore hair growth but might as well be horse manure as far as I know, let alone get any treatments or transplants. Yecchh. When it goes it goes.
It's hilarious, no, wait, it's tragical, no wait, it's hilariously tragical, I mean, it's both tragical and hilarious how going bald can be such a big thing for some. Covering it up just does not work, yet people try. Yikes! Ok, that does it, I'll get it cut very short tomorrow. I promise.
Hey, I seem to be about finished. And not too many glasses either. Now for an epilogue. Oh, sod it.
But oh yeah, on to the topic, if that's any consolation to you. It probably will not get any more interesting after this. But I've been thinking about getting a haircut for a couple of days. It's funny how hair grows. After getting a haircut, it's tidy for a couple of weeks, but then one morning it's suddenly overgrown with all kinds of tufts sticking out. And my hair seems to grow only on the sides and back nowadays, the top of my head stays about the same (thin). The only places on my body where hair is plentiful are nostrils and... erm, should I be writing about this?
(Side note: since when has ctrl-s meant "publish"? I don't like this Blogger function. Why doesn't it mean "save" like it does anywhere else? Now I always accidentally publish unfinished posts.)
I hate getting haircuts. I quite like the actual sitting in a chair, being groomed, reading a paper. But I don't like getting there. I never reserve haircuts beforehand, for some reason I don't just want to do it. I want to walk into a barbershop and get a haircut at once. Sometimes there's a customer, and you have to wait. I don't like that either. I want it to be simple: walk in, sit in a chair for 20 minutes, pay, walk out. I don't like it if lasts longer than 20 minutes. That's why I always go for the cruddy, cheap joints: they do it fast and rough. Also, there's less of a chance that there's a customer in there, or that they're booked full. And I don't want to pay very much for a crappy 20 minute hairjob. And the place should be near my daily route from home to work. It's not easy to fulfill these requirements. Well, actually, there is a barbershop just like this, but the last time I was there, the barber cut my ear, and now I'm kind of afraid to go there again. And the chair was really uncomfortable.
Sigh. I know I'm making it more difficult than it is. But I partially hope that I would already go bald enough so I could just give it up and shave it all off. I think it would be fun, the shaving, I mean. On the other hand, there's still a part of me that doesn't want to become a giant roll-on. But let's face it, it's inevitable. It's going. It's already kind of see-through on top. And I'm not going to be desperate about it, like eat some overpriced nature product that's supposed to restore hair growth but might as well be horse manure as far as I know, let alone get any treatments or transplants. Yecchh. When it goes it goes.
It's hilarious, no, wait, it's tragical, no wait, it's hilariously tragical, I mean, it's both tragical and hilarious how going bald can be such a big thing for some. Covering it up just does not work, yet people try. Yikes! Ok, that does it, I'll get it cut very short tomorrow. I promise.
Hey, I seem to be about finished. And not too many glasses either. Now for an epilogue. Oh, sod it.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Household algorithms
Hi. Today I'd like to talk about algorithms. For the hoi polloi, an algorithm is a set of instructions to solve a problem or accomplish a task of some kind. Because I'm a programmer, I consider myself an expert on algorithms to some degree, because programming is all about the algorithm. Usually it is possible to solve a given problem in eleventy thousand ways, and what separates the good programmer from the bad is the ability to find a sensible solution. Also, what often separates the bad programmer from the good programmer, is the ability to find an astonishingly stupid solution to a simple problem. A solution the good programmer wouldn't even think about, except if they were trying to be creative. Here's an example of a solution to just about everything, in pseudocode, that I really liked (found from this site I generally like):
But to the point. I was going to say something about algorithms used in household keeping. My urge to address the issue was triggered by an algorithm I encountered recently, and that is the one my wife uses to change the bedsheets. And might I say, sorry honey, this is the worst solution ever to changing the bedsheets, which is, by the way, one of my most disliked household tasks. Here's the algorithm (in pseudocode):
remove the old bedsheets // in the morning
while(not bedtime) // this should loop for about 12 hours
ask the husband, please, to put on the new bedsheets
ask the husband, please (with force), to put on the new bedsheets
while(bedsheets are not changed)
if(steam coming out of the husband's ears) {
go to bed
}
else {
complain that the pillowcases do not match the sheets and why did you choose those ugly ones anyway
}
For the non-programmer, here's an explanation of the pseudocode: basically, there are three basic structures in programming (explained by a non-university guy):
1) the program is executed from top to bottom (i.e. 1st line, then 2nd line and so on...)
2) the loop, represented in the examples by while{}: do something repeatedly, until a condition is true
3) the conditional branching, represented in the examples by the if...else structure: if the condition in the brackets is true, do something. If it is false, do some other thing (or do nothing at all).
And the text after the // is a comment, meant only to clarify the purpose of the statement to other programmers. And sometimes, as in this case, supposed to be funny to other programmers.
Well. To be fair, I'm sure I have some silly algorithms too. For instance, the way I wash myself in the sauna has proven to be funny-looking to some (i.e. my wife). And in some social situations, my sense of situation has proven to be inexplicably slow for some reason. Must be some kind of a concurrency issue...
But thanks for reading this again, all three of you. And for the first one to write a non-spam comment, a free banana! Come on, a free banana!
while(solution isn't correct)
{
solution = Another Randomly Generated Solution;
}
print solution
But to the point. I was going to say something about algorithms used in household keeping. My urge to address the issue was triggered by an algorithm I encountered recently, and that is the one my wife uses to change the bedsheets. And might I say, sorry honey, this is the worst solution ever to changing the bedsheets, which is, by the way, one of my most disliked household tasks. Here's the algorithm (in pseudocode):
remove the old bedsheets // in the morning
while(not bedtime) // this should loop for about 12 hours
{
do nothing (about the situation)
}
ask the husband to put on the new bedsheetsask the husband, please, to put on the new bedsheets
ask the husband, please (with force), to put on the new bedsheets
while(bedsheets are not changed)
{
try to calm the crying baby wait while the husband changes the bedsheets
}
if(steam coming out of the husband's ears) {
go to bed
}
else {
complain that the pillowcases do not match the sheets and why did you choose those ugly ones anyway
}
For the non-programmer, here's an explanation of the pseudocode: basically, there are three basic structures in programming (explained by a non-university guy):
1) the program is executed from top to bottom (i.e. 1st line, then 2nd line and so on...)
2) the loop, represented in the examples by while{}: do something repeatedly, until a condition is true
3) the conditional branching, represented in the examples by the if...else structure: if the condition in the brackets is true, do something. If it is false, do some other thing (or do nothing at all).
And the text after the // is a comment, meant only to clarify the purpose of the statement to other programmers. And sometimes, as in this case, supposed to be funny to other programmers.
Well. To be fair, I'm sure I have some silly algorithms too. For instance, the way I wash myself in the sauna has proven to be funny-looking to some (i.e. my wife). And in some social situations, my sense of situation has proven to be inexplicably slow for some reason. Must be some kind of a concurrency issue...
But thanks for reading this again, all three of you. And for the first one to write a non-spam comment, a free banana! Come on, a free banana!
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