DIY guide: moderation

Hi,
and welcome to one of those ever-popular DIY guides of the Most Exciting Blog in the World. Today I'll teach you how to be moderate.

mod·er·a·tion

  [mod-uh-rey-shuhn]

noun

1.

the quality of being moderate; restraint; avoidance of extremes or excesses; temperance.

2.

the act of moderating.

3.

moderations, British . the first public examinations at Oxford University for the B.A. degree inmathematics or in classics.

Idioms

4.

in moderation, without excess; moderately; temperately: to drink in moderation.

There is excess, and then there is lack. Or possibly pettiness. The correct term for the opposite of excess depends somewhat of the subject matter at hand. Anyway, too much is too much, and too little is too little. In between, there is moderation, and that is the key to happiness.

Examples of excess:

• losing all of your funds in online poker
• going on a bender for a week without telling your loved ones of your whereabouts
• banning most of the things that make life worth living in the name of religion
• lying motionless on the sofa in the name of ecology because doing something would increase your carbon footprint. 

Examples of the thing that is the opposite of excess:

• never trying out Facebook because someone said it might be addictive
• telling your partner not to have a 4th glass of wine even though they would like to and it's not even late
• not going out for a bike ride because it might be dangerous
• not living because it might be fatal.

In between of these things there is moderation and that's what you should strive for. The actual steps for striving for moderation might vary from situation to situation, but, hey, that's life. Just strive for moderation, to the max, and you shall be rewarded. 

Beer review by a commoner

A couple of blog posts back, in the wildly successful Motörhead wine review I promised to review a case of lager. I'm a man who keeps his word, so here we go, although it will be lot of work. Yikes. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. The same sentence in Swedish: Göran måste göra vad Göran måste göra. And it's been only... let's see... WHAT? 2011? I wrote that almost two years ago? And no blog posts whatsoever in 2012? What the hell did I do in 2012? Can't remember. Good thing I never promised to update regularly. And besides, it's the quality that matters. When every single thing that you publish is a genuine instant classic internet viral hit, it doesn't matter if you only publish every couple of years. Ask MC SpandX. Because I don't know.

On to the review. Here's the beer I intend to review:

Olvi Sandels from Iisalmi, Finland. 4,7%. 18 pcs of 0.33 l cans. Ingredients: water, barley malt, barley starch, hops.

When it comes to beer, I'm no coinnosseur. Some guys, and possibly, gals as well, like to review all kinds of fancy beers. Yes, I like to review all kinds of fancy beers as well, but I also like to get a case of common lager from the hypermarket and review that. I love the taste of beer. I know I love it partly because it contains alcohol, and alcohol is addictive, and I've kept on enjoying beer for some 20+ years now. So, if I'm not addicted to alcohol, I'm at least conditioned to it. But I maintain that I also love the taste. Yes, the taste of bulk lager of the hypermarket. I'm a commoner, I've a relatively bad sense of smell, I've ruined my taste buds with too much chili. I do love good food and different tasting sensations, but basically, I'm a simple guy. I like salty things, chili, and beer.

Oh, now, enough of the boring stuff. Notice I finally changed the title of this blog to The most exciting blog in the world. My wife thought it would be a good idea and improve the quality of this blog. Like she would know, because she hasn't read it so far. I hope she doesn't start now. Because it would just reinforce her view of my alcohol consumption as unhealthy. But anyway. To the review.

1st can of Sandels: 

Well, actually, it's the 3rd now. Did you think I would write this much without having any? Nonsense.

Bouquet: beery, I guess. My nose is kind of stuffed. And keeps running. I don't think that I've caught a cold, instead there's some kind of annoying thing that keeps on itching in my left nostril. Don't know what it is. I've tried to check if there's some kind of super-long, sharp-pointed nostril hair, and cut some suspicious candidates away with scissors, but still it just keeps on itching.

Taste: very good. You can really taste the, uh, the thing that makes beer taste like beer. Hops and barley, I guess. There's hop growing at my parents' place. I don't know if it's the same thing that they put in beer. Actually, it's a funny thing: hop is "humala" in Finnish. Intoxication is also "humala" in Finnish. There must be some kind of a historical relation here.

Soundtrack: 
MC SpandX: Performance
Beastie Boys: To The 5 Boroughs

BTW, in that picture, my hand looks very wrinkly. Like an old man's hand. It must be the lighting or something, because in reality, I'm still young. I am, I swear. There's some black, grimy stuff underneath my fingernails as well. Sorry for that. That's grease from bicycle maintenance. I've been maintaining bicycles a lot lately. The neighbours are getting to know me as the bicycle guy. I maintain my bicycles on the front yard (I own only three), they see it, and some of them ask me to maintain their bicycles as well. So I fix bicycles on the front yard nearly every evening. It's a kind of a landslide effect. I like fixing bicycles almost as much as I like riding them. Unfortunately, I can't fix everyone's bicycle. If I could I would. There's two things: I'm not good enough a bicycle technician and there's not enough time. You've got to prioritize.

Damn it, now I got a sneezing fit. I've got some kind of a physical defect. It's impossible for me to sneeze just once. If I sneeze once, then I sneeze at least 15 times. I can't understand people who sneeze once in a middle of a conversation, then just continue living. I can't do that. There's something wrong with my nose.

Oh no. Now this beer review has been more about my nose than about the beer.

Fjord can of Sandels:

Bouquet: excellent. It's good I can still smell even though my nose is blocked from all that sneezing. Why is it that beer smells good when it's fresh and you're the one drinking it? When you smell a can the next morning it smells bad. Or if you're not having any, the breath of a beer drinker smells bad. Is there some kind of a chemical reaction going on, or is it somehow subjective depending on the level of sobriety, hangover or... damn, I've got to piss. I've had some four beers and haven't pissed yet. Actually, this happens often... ooh, the pain... when I'm at work... my bladder... as I was saying, at work, when I'm programming & drinking (coffee), and having a "flow" moment, I often forget to go to the bathroom and just keep on coding even though my bladder is about to explode. As it is right now. But I... can't... go... just... yet! One... ouch... more... help, I can't hold it anymore!... word... and sip of beer... dammit, now I forgot what I was about to say... funny, why does tapping of one's foot make it easier to hold urine in? Oh yeah, when you're deep in your thoughts, and need to go to the bathroom real bad, you just sometimes kind of snap out of it in the bathroom and think "wow, I'm in the bathroom, and pissing, good thing I'm here because when I was that focused I might have just gone in some corner of the office and let go"... or...

Ahhh... the relief. I finally went. Where was I?

Taste: refreshing. Liquid. Timeless.

Soundtrack:
Cut City: Exit Decades (excellent album)

BURRRRP. I will not be able to review all of this case at once. Now it's 23:32, I'm having the 5th can, and there are 13 more to go. I guess I can stretch it to 0:00 at most, then I have to go to sleep. It might be possible to sleep to 8:00 next morning. I don't want to ruin tomorrow by having a hangover or too little sleep. I guess I'll have to continue this review later, until the case is finished.

Oh, now the album Exit Decades by Cut City finished. Now there's an excellent band that you didn't know about. I don't know anything about them, except that they're swedish, they've clearly drawn influences from Joy Division, The Cure, Interpol etc. and they make excellent music. Or made. I don't know if they still do. I don't have time to check all the things that I would like to know. Even though it's so easy these days. Just ask  Google, and mostly, the answer is there. I'm fortunate, in a way, because I mostly work on the computer. Whenever something pops into my mind, I can just check it out immediately from Google or Wikipedia or something. Unfortunately, all kinds of things keep popping into my mind all the time. For instance, some exemplary pops from today:

• how do the lyrics to Hey F*ck You by Beastie Boys go exactly?
• what would they write about Adam Yauch on Wikipedia?
• how are the brake pads in Avid Juicy 3 brakes installed?
• are there TV programs that I think should be recorded today (but will probably never be watched by me)?
• what is the balance of my bank account and are there some bills to pay?
• how do I weasel out of paying the bills once again because there's not enough money on my bank account?
• is the funny fake interview with Roger Waters regarding his famous quote "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it is stupid" I remember reading several years ago still online? (unfortunately, it wasn't)
• how is the PL/SQL procedure converttoblob used (oh wait, that's work, so that's one thing I should be thinking about). 

Soundtrack:
Cypress Hill - Insane In The Brain
Cypress Hill - A To The K
Cypress Hill - Break 'Em Off Some

Oh no. Now there's only one minute left of this review before I have to push the publish button, dictated by the rule I just dictated half an hour ag

The eternal struggle: excellence vs. mediocrity

I don't mean to brag, but I've accomplished a lot so far. To name but a few of the things, in a rough chronological order, during my lifetime, I've learned

• to breathe
• to eat
• to scream
• to walk
• to talk
• to trust
• to oppose
• to use the toilet for business
• to ride the bike
• to make fire
• to draw
• to read
• to write
• to count
• to question authority
• to climb trees
• to fish
• to carve wood
• to know lots of trivia, parrot-style
• to drive
• to play guitar
• to drink alcohol
• to question the meaning of it all (= 42)
• to burp real loud
• to socialize a bit
• to fall in love
• to fall out of love
• to carve wood better
• to do mathematics
• to understand computer science
• to commit
• to really ride the bike
• to understand children a bit
• to understand relatives a bit
• to know some of the aforementioned trivia better
• to cook
• to socialize slightly better
• to not worry so much and to not fear life in general.

Of course, there's a lot that's excluded from that list. There's a lot that should be included. Some things I might have understood for a while, then forgotten them again. There are dark periods in my life I'd rather not think about.

There's a huge number of things that everybody has to learn just to survive in the modern society. Even dropping out of it requires one to know of several complex systems.

What I'm trying to get at is that I'm a general purpose guy. I'm good or adequate at a lot of things. I can survive OK in the modern society. I cook pretty good. I do well by doing whatever the hell it is that I do for a living. I can mow the lawn, I can plow the snow, I can raise my kids according to the modern standards.

It's just that I'd like to excel in something. During the fifty years or so that have been my life I've already wanted to be a kick-ass

• scientist
• veterinarian
• interpreter
• architect
• guitarist
• composer
• hobo
• programmer
• writer
• Mad Max
• parent
• bicyclist.

You know, I'd really like to make a mark. I'd like to be in history. Even though I think that typically, the life of a human is the life of a worker drone, I'd like to be really good at something.

But there's a conflict of interests here. In order to do well in the society, and to be a good parent, I have to be a general purpose guy. In order to be really fucking good at something I'd have to devote myself to it. Then there'd be no time for anything else, and everything else would be blatantly disregarded.

I'm not even sure of the criteria based on which excellence should be defined, because there are several. For instance, when can I consider myself an excellent programmer?

• If I manage to make lots of money?
• If I get worldwide recognition as an expert?
• If I get a relatively small, but very devoted following?
• If I get mentioned in Wikipedia?

Ok, any one of these would do. In fact, what I'd like the best would perhaps to become (not too well) known as the inventor of some small thing. An algorithm or sumt'n. Like the Duff of Duff's device. And it wouldn't hurt to make a lot of money while doing so. I guess that would make me happy, at least for a while. It's just that you can't force invention. You either invent something or you don't. It's pretty much like composing music. You just tinker on with something, and suddenly, something materializes out of thin air, and after lots of further tinkering, may become something worthy. So, while waiting for that something to materialize out of thin air, I'll just have to go on tinkering away on everyday stuff just like a regular nobody.

Oh well, this turned out to be a mediocre blog post. Hopefully, excellence will ensue, if I just practice enough, so please, bear with me.

Meta-blogging & free associating

Some five years ago, I wrote the first post of this blog. The situation then was nearly identical to the one I'm in today: the family was away on vacation, I was at home alone, and after cleaning up the household thoroughly, I did what free, wild bachelors do: listened to 80's heavy metal music in my underwear, drank beer and sat down to write. Well, today I've cleaned the household only superficially, and I think that five years ago I drank red wine instead of beer, but anyway, deja-vu.

Back then, I think, I had a couple of days to myself. Now, I have about a week. In between, I believe, I've been alone at home for more than one day perhaps twice. Parents of little kids probably know how I feel right now: *pop* (that was the sound of the cork of a champagne bottle opening). I feel like a cow let out to pasture at spring. Well, I'm not jumping around, actually, anymore, I'm sitting on the couch, but you know, metaphorically speaking. It's amazing to actually hear your thoughts, being able to decide on your own what to do next, to do what you feel like.

What I felt like doing after escorting the family to the airport:

• taking off pants (the outermost ones)
• listening to essential 80's heavy metal recordings of such artists as Ozzy Osbourne, Iron Maiden, Twisted Sister, Mötley Crüe, Anthrax, Van Halen etc.
• setting up the sound system so that I can listen to the aforementioned music from Spotify on the laptop via the home theater, loud
• drinking beer
• cleaning up all the toys etc. lying around the household
• wiping the stains off the kitchen horizontal surfaces
• eating two hamburgers
• going to the sauna
• connecting the computer to the TV so I can use it on a bigger screen 
• writing a blog post.

All of these things I did, excluding the last one, which is not completely done yet.

I also thought of boasting about my newlyfound freedom in Facebook, but couldn't make up my mind about how much boasting is just enough and what might be considered vulgar, and then didn't.

***

If, for whatever reason, I really would become a bachelor at this point in life, I guess I would install several huge screens around the living room, connect them to several computers, and then just live on the sofa, in the dark, on whatever free time I would have (kind of like this guy). Of course, I would go out for sports a lot. No way I would go out chasing chicks in the night clubs though. 

***

I think that in writing, absolute honesty is required. If you're going to tidy up your opinions in fear of annoying someone, you're going to end up writing bland crap that will be of interest to nobody. Then on the other hand, there has to be a certain level of judgement on how you can say things, so as not to be repulsive. Perhaps the secret key to good writing is balancing on the thin line between these two things.

***

Also, I find that absolute honesty works well in life as well. That doesn't mean, however, that one has to instantly blurt out everything that comes to mind. Some discretion will keep you out of trouble. But in order to become a true Zen master, one has to do what one feels like.

***

Well, exactly like on the "vacation" I had five years ago, I've got to go to work tomorrow as well. Tomorrow's Saturday. These vacations are kind of hard, when there's so much to do, and relatively little time. There's several months worth of cleaning & working & drinking & renovating & exercising & listening to heavy metal, piled up to do in just one week. But it doesn't matter, you know. I'll endure. From the possibly greatest book of all time, The Rider by Tim Krabbé:

"Velvet pillows, safari parks, sunglasses: people have become woolly mice. They still have bodies that can walk for five days and four nights through a desert of snow, without food, but they accept praise for having taken a one-hour bicycle ride. ‘Good for you.’ Instead of expressing their gratitude for the rain by getting wet, people walk around with umbrellas. Nature is an old lady with few suitors these days, and those who wish to make use of her charms she rewards passionately."

Wine review: Motörhead Shiraz 2009

Although I've covered nearly every aspect of human existence in this blog (haven't I?), I haven't done a wine review yet. I'm running short of ideas. That's why there are so few blog posts. Next I'll probably review a case of lager. Mmm... lager. Consider it done.

Anyway, this here is a bottle of red wine, Motörhead Shiraz 2009 from South Eastern Australia. 750 ml. 13,5%. Some 15 €.


Bouquet

If I'm not totally mistaken, I think I can sense a distinct aroma here. It's... you know... familiar somehow. Beer? No... I'm nearly certain that this liquid smells like red wine. It also smells good. I'll give the bouquet four stars: **** (this really is just stars, not an expletive).

Label

Very stylish. This must be the most awesome label on a wine bottle I've ever seen. Definitely more awesome than the one on the Whitesnake wine. In fact, I predict that there shall never be a more awesome label on a wine bottle. After all, Lemmy is God. Five stars: ***** (not to be confused with 5 Star).

Taste (1st glass)

Tastes good. I like wine. Although, with Motörhead, you'd expect the taste to be more brutal. Now it's kind of just very slightly brutal. But hey, it's wine! Four stars: ****

Cork

Not a cork cork, but of the other kind, you know, with threads. One made out of METAL. Very fitting. Five stars: *****

Taste (2nd glass)

Still god. I mean good. Possibly even better. For some reason I'm beginning to feel euphoric.

Music

Awesome. Of course, I'm listening to Motörhead while reviewing. I like this reviewing stuff. I wonder if one could make a living out of reviewing things in a blog. Anyway, Motörhead is common knowledge, and therefore should not be taught in schools. Because kids resent the music taught in school. At least I did. Unless music lessons of today are like in the movie School of Rock. Then it perhaps could be argued that they should teach Motörhead.

But wait a minute because I've got to review the Taste of the 3rd glass: yep, still good. 5 stars: *****hiccup.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the music. Listening to Motörhead on the free version of Spotify kind of tends to spoil the mood though, because in between every other song there are annoying advertisements. Like for something called Pitbull. Is the bald, white guy the Pitbull? What kind of youth music is that supposed to be: of the street credible, hard kind or the sugary, night club lover kind of crap? I can't tell. In fact, I don't even want to know.

Perhaps I should start paying for my music, and get rid of the ads though.

Taste (fjord4 glass)

Excellent. This wine definitely ages well. I'm giving 6 stars: ******

Videos

Did you know that Motörhead also holds several world record titles, such as "The Loudest Group On Earth", "The Awesomest Singer Ever", "The Awesomest Bassist Ever", and my favourite, "The Hardest Metal Video Ever". The last one was awarded, of course, for the video to the song Sacrifice:



I believe that the video is exactly what Lemmy wanted. I have no idea what the hell it is about, but it frightens me for real. (In case you insist, the 2nd Hardest Metal Video Ever is Progenies Of The Great Apocalypse by Dimmu Borgir, which also frightens me slightly.)

Taste (yet another glass)

Oh well. I'd planned on going for sports in the morning, but I'm not sure if I can after all this Motörhead. You see I can type prettty well still though so it can't be too bad though some sentences might be incohomprehensiblehibly... well... whit the punctuation and whatever...

I'm not erasing anything though, and when there's so little Motörhead left, I'm not going to bed either until it's finished. Consider thsi a human experiment, on real human.

The taste seems rather excellent. Perhaps there really is a difference between the more expensive wines and the cheapest ones that I usually drink. Or then there's the chance that my judgement has been compromised. Either way, I just thought of an interesting criterium for a wine review: do your teeth get less coloured by a more expensive wine? I'll just go to the mirror to see.

---

What? Sorry, forgot to check the teeth. I just automatically pissed in the bathroom. Please, bear with me.

---

Yes, I just checked the teeth, as well as the lips, and it does in fact seem that they weren't coloured too much by the wine. Perhaps oh fuck

Taste (final half glass)

There's only half a glass left? Such a pity. This wine is so good that I might have consumed even more. On the other hand, I have consumed much larger quantities of wines of lesser qualities. Therefore, it might be argued that the quality of the wine consumed corresponds in no way whatsoever to the quantity consumed. And I hear, that in the supposedly civilized countries, they spit out the wine while tasting. What a horrible waste of perfectly good wine.

Just one beer to follow up

Luckily, there's still beer in the fridge. Martens Gold III, you know, the cheapest one they have in the local markets these days. Tastes like any other lager though. Five stars it is: *****

Perhaps I should review the hangover next. Although it might be hard to distinguish which part results from whichever drink.

Also, I just watched the Sacrifice video again, and I'm scared. War is hell. If I have nightmares it'll be my own fault.

Men's hair

At about thirty years of age, everything changes for the male part of the population. Your hair is no longer significant. Before, you could signal to fellow human beings your inclusion in a specific subculture by styling your hair in a certain way. It mattered. It could very well be the factor that enabled you to get that tiny chance, in a crowded nightclub, full of young people, all loaded up with hormones, to get to the situation that really mattered; the particular intercommunication between opposite sexes in which it is possible to engage in the activity that may result in the biological act that contributes to the continuation of the human race. Conversation, that is. Conversation with a chick. And that may lead to sex.

But afterwards, when you're a father, with a mortgage, busy climbing the ladder at work, what with all the political problems both home and abroad, you don't have time to stand in front of the mirror and do your hair no more. You don't go to the nightclubs. Most likely, you're stuck happily off in a relationship with the chick that spotted the awesome, multi-coloured construct on top of your head years ago. You can't be bothered to use hair styling products anymore. You forget about dyeing. You begin to find it a nuisance to go to the barbershop every N weeks. Anyway, you only go out to push the perambulator around the neighbourhood, and to get groceries from the store nearby. And when you do, you wear a woolly hat anyway, because it always seems to be winter. There's hardly any point in constructing a gravity-defying post-modern sculpture out of your hair, or washing it and then spending hours to make it look like you just woke up in a frozen pool of barf, like you used to.


If you're lucky, like I was, you begin to get bald at that point. Then it's relatively easy to make the decision to cut the most of it away. You could cut all of it, but IMHO it's better to leave a couple of millimeters. That way you don't have to shave it too often. And you don't look too shiny either. I, myself, prefer to have a stubble on the chin too, at all times. I'm hoping to look like a friendly kiwi fruit.

Then there's the long hair. In a way, having a long hair is a no-hair. You've accustomed to it, you don't have to maintain it, you mostly have it ponytailed up. Therefore, you might as well shave it off, it's just dead weight.

In my experience, there's a limited number of groups of men over 30 that really need a hairstyle:

• Heavy metal musicians: it does look cool when a group windmills their hairs in unison.
• CEOs: everybody knows that you need a thick, silver hair to become a CEO. It's exactly the same with gorillas; the silverback is the leader of the troop.
• Clowns: the clown hair signals the audience that you're supposed to laugh at everything the guy does and says. Take this clown for example:

• Fabio: the hair is where his power resides in.
  

Near non-existent pulse on the lifeline

What with all the other activity, it's been ages since I've wrote anything in this blog. As a faithful reader, you should already know that I lead a busy life, having some 17 children, being a political activist, writing blogs for a living, and having a part-time job as a programmer, to make a few quick extra bucks on the side.

Also, I've been somewhat employed writing my post-humous autobiography beforehand. It's best I put it all down before forgetting everything. My earliest memories, from about 3 years and so forth, are already getting vague. Beware, kids, alcohol will ruin your memory. On the other hand, alcohol will make you want to reminisce about the good old times, thus improving your memory. Go figure.

So, here's a few (non-bicycling related) thoughts I've been thinking about lately. (The bicycling-related thoughts are in the other blog.)

• Dimmu Borgir. While I think that it sucks that they kicked out ICS Vortex (and to a lesser extent, Mustis), the new album kicks ass.
  
• Peter Hook. He's coming to Helsinki to sacrilege the classic Joy Division album "Unknown Pleasures". Which is good. I don't mind the sacrilegion, I just want to see my idol and witness if the strap on his bass is indeed as lengthy as they tell me. I'd pay money if he sat on the stage and drank beer.
  
• Rush. They're coming to Helsinki this spring, and this time we'll have a party! (I don't know what happened the last time. I suppose I was depressed. As were most of the people in the audience.)
  

Die Vater-Maschine 2.0

Due to the recent emergence of a new family member, Die Vater-Maschine has been upgraded to version 2.0. No, he hasn't become a nanomorph mimetic poly-alloy assassin, that will be 2.1, but this version includes some great improvements too.

What's new and improved in Die Vater-Maschine 2.0:

• added 60 % more infinite patience
• reduced methane emissions 21 % (actual level of emissions may vary depending on sauerkraut, beer and bean consumption)
  
• reduced addiction to alcohol 17 % (actual level of addiction may vary depending on company, time of year and level of existential angst)
  
• reduced amount of hair 37.85 % to improve aerodynamic capabilities
• reinforced back and leg skeleton to optimize functionality related to bending over and picking up things
• enhanced dexterity and strength in order to improve capabilities related to jumping through hoops, dragging sledges filled with stones and coaxing cooked spaghetti through keyholes
• enhanced voice emulator, which now supports four tones: normal, loving, silly and enraged
• reduced shame-feeling capabilities: Die Vater-Maschine is now virtually unembarrassable
• added skin greasiness for improved weather endurance
• increased wallet thickness for better family sustainment capabilities
• quad core processor allows simultaneous processing of instructions from four different sources: wife, child #1, child #2 and TV
• automatic backup functionality enables functioning even while interrupted continually (provided that interruption interval > 30 seconds)
  
• increased maturity lessens likelihood of mishaps with sawn-off shotgun
• new Man-Poodle™ software sensitivity system accommodates for better consideration of the feelings of the wife.
  

Kingdom of man

4 m². That's the surface area of the kingdom of man. (Where "man" = "the male, adult population (consisting of one (1) person) in my household".) With this humorous, yet surprisingly truthful moniker I'm referring to my storage shed. Of course, the most natural kingdom for a man would be a garage, but unfortunately, my financial situation doesn't allow for housing containing one in the general area I live in, so the shed will have to pass for a garage for now.

Until now, the shed has been mostly filled, in an unorganized way, with all kinds of extra stuff that hasn't been really necessary in the household, yet hasn't been unnecessary enough to be thrown out either. But now, I intend to change that.

I just finished scraping off the old plastic carpet from the floor of the storage shed. Tomorrow I'll put in a new one. Then I'll assemble a cabinet that formerly resided in the bedroom for organized storage space. Whew. Storing the parts of the cabinet for a year has been troublesome, but I've stubbornly insisted on doing so, because I've a vision. Tomorrow it'll be partly fulfilled.

Then I'll add a tool wall for keeping small tools in neat order and racks for storing un-hangable tools and miscellaneous stuff. I'll add some kind of supports to the ceiling so that rarely needed stuff can be stowed away there. Some kind of worktable must be constructed. I'll attach a vice and a wheel truing stand later to that. It might be hard to incorporate a sandblasting cabinet, a circular saw, an anvil and a forge into 4 m² but I'll do what I can.

I suppose that building up a shed, or a garage, is partly similar to interior decoration. The objective is to make the space function well for its intended purpose. In a way, I assume, that now, finally, I can feel the exhilaration that women seem to feel when they get to decorate interiors. Yes, I also like having nice looking and well functioning interiors in the house.

But there's also an essential difference. Interiors of human habitations are usually designed for good functionality for one or more persons and good looks. It seems to be very important that they look good for any visitors. They must be designed for several purposes, and for the purposes of several people.

In contrast, a kingdom of a man is designed solely for functionality, and especially for a single person. The person in question can decide where things go without asking anybody, and assume that things stay there without anybody touching them. I, for one, like to arrange my stuff very precisely. I usually remember where I've left stuff. It drives me nuts if the stuff in question is not where it's supposed to be. I don't have photographic memory, but I have a some kind of a fuzzy, three dimensional version of that. My ideal workspace can be a representation of the way I store stuff in my brain. It doesn't need to be usable, or even comprehensible, to anybody else.

One of the most satisfying things for a craftsman is to complete a task without having to rummage through all of one's belongings to find the thing that one happens to need at the moment.

Another very satisfying thing is the ability to alter the working space instantaneously according to one's needs. If I have an extension cord but not a suitable place to hang it, I can create it. I can just reach out for the hammer (without having to look for it because of my nearly photographic memory), then reach out for a large nail (without having to look this time either, because the nails are in the place they're supposed to be in), and pound the nail in the wall in an appropriate place. Presto! A place to hang the extension cord in.

Also, I think that functional is beautiful. A workspace looks good when it's functional. It may look grimy and messy to the untrained eye, it might smell musty. There might be a musty smelling, half naked, sweaty guy with a beer can in one hand and a nail gun in another standing in the middle of his 4 m². Don't bother him. He's beautiful. He's doing his thing.

1 sec for idea, 15 min for execution, ∞ and counting for title

You remember the old game people used to amuse themselves before the internet was invented? You know, thinking of song titles that include the word "love" and then replacing that word with the word "crack" in order to make them funnier? Like, "The Power Of Crack" by Huey Lewis And The News, "I Want To Know What Crack Is" by Foreigner, "Greatest Crack Of All" by Whitney Houston, and, of course, "Addicted To Crack" by Robert Palmer.

Well, I do, because it changed the way I listen to hit radio, watch MTV and read music charts, forever. But now, I'd like to inflict another plague sprinkle even more amusement on mankind, namely, by inventing a variant of that old game. In it, you simply substitute the word "us" with the much funnier word "ass" in your chosen song title.

Here are some examples for your listening pleasure:

All About Us Ass - t.A.T.u

Breaking Us Ass In Two - Joe Jackson

Can't Hold Us Ass Down - Christina Aguilera

Don't Forget About Us Ass - Mariah Carey

I'm Waking Up To Us Ass - Belle and Sebastian

Love Will Keep Us Ass Together - Captain & Tennille

Love Will Tear Us Ass Apart - Joy Division

Never Tear Us Ass Apart - INXS

Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Ass Now - Starship

One Of Us Ass - Joan Osborne

Tearing Us Ass Apart - Eric Clapton

The Difference Between Us Ass - The Dead Weather

The Planets Bend Between Us Ass - Snow Patrol

They Don't Care About Us Ass - Michael Jackson

What About Us Ass - Ministry

You Love Us Ass - Manic Street Preachers

You've Made Us Ass Conscious - The Audition

Two Of Us Ass - The Beatles

Us Ass - Regina Spektor

Us Ass Against The World - Westlife

Us Ass And Them - Pink Floyd

Come to think of it, you could go one step further and replace both "love" and "us" in some song titles, like "Crack Will Tear Ass Apart" by Joy Division. But no. That's vulgar.

Perfectionism vs. entropy: is reasonably good good enough?

I just finished renovating the bathroom. Well, I didn't renovate it all by myself, the workmen did most of the job, but I got to finish it by doing the ceiling. By finishing, I mean that I finished doing any work on the bathroom for the moment. I tightened the last screw, put away the tools and sat down for a while, marveling at the beauty of it.

Then again, there's still some very minor things to do, which I'll do later. Like attach the handles to the cabinet beneath the sink. So, actually, the bathroom isn't perfect yet. And even if I actually manage to attach the handles tomorrow, from experience I know that something will break relatively soon. Even if the bathroom would somehow manage to get to the state of perfection, it would not remain there for long, provided that the family is going to use it.

I am, in some sense, a perfectionist. I find it hard to stop doing things that I've started to do, until they really are finished. But then again, I've become aware of the effects of entropy. By entropy, I mean that things tend to get less organized over time, if something is not actively done to prevent that. Take, for example, the bathroom that is considered perfect just now (July 24th 2010, 21:40 CET). Suppose that I remain seated in this chair before the computer for three days, and then go upstairs and inspect the bathroom. There will be specks of tooth paste in the mirror, hairs in the drain, scratches on formerly immaculate surfaces and dust on the windowsill. And in a longer period of time, there will be more and more faults, until the bathroom will inevitably be completely renewed again in 20-30 years (at most).

In theory, I could prevent the entropy, by devoting my life to the task of keeping the bathroom perfect. I could clean it twice a day, repair any damages as soon as possible, and spend all of my free time standing guard in the bathroom in order to prevent all passing persons from doing any inadvertent or intentional major damage. This would, however, affect every other aspect of my personal life in a damaging way. I wouldn't be able to work and my social life would probably cease to exist. The rest of the apartment would become horribly disorganized. My family might complain somewhat. Therefore keeping the bathroom perfect can't be seen as a feasible solution to the whole entropy problem.

Every new thing is going to get scratched before long. Therefore I can't have perfection. I can't stand much disarray either. I'll have to settle with accepting compromises, mediocrity, fuzzy logic then. What is perfection anyway? Technology tends to improve, so a pristine bathroom built in the 80's couldn't be considered perfect according to the standards of today. Even the best circle that I could draw with the best tools available would be imperfect on the molecular level. Human science doesn't have a complete understanding of quantum physics yet. Therefore perfection as defined by humans is inevitably an approximation.

The perfect bathroom is still basically impossible because of the lack of sufficient technological sophistication. I'll just contend myself with the rustic models avalaible today. There are, however two inventions conceived by mankind that satisfy even the perfectionist:

1) Gardening. Nature achieves perfection by being naturally wild, uncontrollable and unpredictable. Therefore a garden can be perfect without being totally in order according to human standards.

2) Bicycle. The bicycle is such a good invention that it hasn't changed much in several decades. It hasn't needed to, because it was good enough already. The bicycle continues to evolve all the time, but slowly, because there isn't much to improve.

Modern

In a desperate attempt to become more trendy and even slightly popular, the most boring blog in the world is in Twitter now. Although I kind of suspect that to the youngsters, Twitter is already so 2008, and this half-hearted marketing attempt only serves to make me appear more like the fossil that I am than to... exactly what am I trying to accomplish here again? I forget.

So, in order to live up to the name of the blog, I guess I'll just tweet a "how does this thing work?", then never update again. That's boring for you. And I definitely will not update the picture either.

But then again, I'd really like to see the famous "fail whale". That means I'll have to sign on to Twitter every now and then. I suppose that they've finally gotten their site to scale by now, so, in all probability it should take several years to see it... oh, there it was.

Fight for human rights

Got a letter from Amnesty International. I've been a financial supporter ever since I got approached by a face-to-face fundraiser some years ago, to whom I was unable to say no, at the moment. They keep sending me stuff that I usually don't read, emails, a newspaper, and now, an actual paper letter, made out of violently killed trees, that I accidentally happened to read.

I'm usually not bothered too much about the mail, although I don't have the time or the interest to read it. I'm somewhat annoyed when they call me on the phone each year and kindly ask me to increment the sum that I donate monthly (calling yearly seems too often for me). I'm pretty much irritated whenever I encounter more face-to-face fundraisers on the street, because each time, I either have to explain that I already am a supporter (which is time-consuming), be rude (which is unpleasant), or act like I'm a blind and deaf person, who despite having these disadvantages walks very fast and determinedly (which is hard to do convincingly).

In general, I think it's a good thing that Amnesty exists. Those human rights sure are a nice thing to have. Fighting for them is certainly necessary. I just find myself a passivist human rights defender. I don't mind partaking financially, I just don't want to have to do anything. Also, I like to avoid any tree-hugging, activist/hippie/alternative connotations from targeting my person. Yeah, I actually am mostly greenish, leftist, vegetarianish, pacifist and gay. Oh wait, I'm not gay. Sorry. Anyway, I tend to think that things hardly ever are totally black and white. Also, I have a natural aversion to being labelled as a 'X' or 'Y' kind of a person. (Hey, why am I explaining this to all of you then?)

Anyway, to the letter I received, a plea to donate money for their campaign opposing discrimination against the Romani. Once again, got nothing against the cause. Something should be done, it's an outrage how the Romani are treated everywhere, and yadda yadda yadda. But then the letter continues (free translation):
"... We like to show our appreciation for our supporters. U2 is coming to do a show in Helsinki on behalf of Amnesty and we invite two of our supporters to do face-to-face fundraising in the U2 concert... by donating you're participating in the lottery to become a fundraiser in the concert and defend the rights of the Romani in the spirit of U2...".

I hate U2.

I hate their pompous music. I hate the smug face of Bono. I'm pretty sure that if you look up 'pretentious' in any decent dictionary, this is what you'll find on the page:


It's likely that if you look up 'smug', 'self-indulgent', or 'irritating has-been twat', you'll find the same picture there as well.

I don't want to go to a U2 concert.

I despise face-to-face fundraisers.

If I go to a concert, I definitely don't want to be harassed by face-to-face fundraisers.

I most definitely don't want, ever, to become a face-to-face fundraiser in a U2 concert.

Do these people really think that this is a lottery prize? To me, it sounds like, the, like, worst possible punishment imaginable. What's the second prize? Death penalty?

I can't put it to words exactly, but this letter somehow seems to offend my human rights. Maybe it's the begging, maybe it's the threatening with having to see U2 and having to do fundraising, maybe it's just a culmination of a long-time conflict between our views of the world.

So, Amnesty, I think it's best that we go our separate ways now. One of us seems to be severely detached from reality, and I think it's not me. We had our good times, we had our s**t times, we had our disagreements. I'll just cut off my financial support now, please don't call.

Top 4 belch inducing materials

Belching has been one of the most popular means of communication used by the human kind since the year potato. It has been used to amuse peers, to ward off small animals, to frighten the enemy, as a means of male bonding and for an untold number of other purposes as well. In order to really succeed in the human society, mastering the art of belching has been essential throughout the ages.

As an enthusiastic belcher, and, surprisingly, even to myself, a philanthropist, I'd like to offer you my opinion on favourable commodities for producing superior belches.

5) Beer. Gotcha! You thought beer would be #1, didn't you? Well, in my opinion, no. Yes, I like consuming vast quantities of beer, and belching deafeningly loudly while I do the consuming, just as all men do. (Except possibly Daniel Westling, the bloke who is about to marry the princess of Sweden. Can't imagine him belching.) But I don't think that the aftertaste is that good. Beer tastes better going down than coming up. Also, because beer bottles & cans aren't usually closed after opening them, severe flattening of the belch inducing capacity is evident after the initial gulp.

fjord) Cola. In shopping malls, I prefer established brands such as Coca-Cola, but at home I prefer unknown, cheap brands. Just because it's slightly more exciting, but usually just as tasty. Anyway, cola soft drinks are an excellent raw material for producing belches, mostly because of the sheer volume of the gas, but also because of the great refreshing feeling: imagine going to the fridge on a hot summer day and getting some ice cold cola: a loud burp, a huge emission of gases from your digestive system, a cool sensation and a caffeine rush all at once. Now that's living!

NaN) Mineral water. Mineral water has a great image: it's healthy when consumed internally and also when you sit in a tub full of it, I hear. But, in my opinion, what's even healthier than consuming mineral water is the belch. That's how you really free your body from toxic substances and harmful tensions. The fact that there's not an aftertaste to speak of is often very refreshing, e.g. when suffering from a hangover. The problem with mineral waters is the huge difference of belch induction capabilities between different brands: some are too flat, some are even too gaseous (yes, that's possible). And don't get me started on the ones with added flavour! Adding artificial flavour to the near perfect purity that is mineral water is just beyond my comprehension. Why would they do that? Why?

1) And the winner is: corn flakes, milk (of the fattening kind) and strawberry jam. You might only get one good belch per gobbled bowl, but the perfect, sweet aftertaste more than compensates for the modest volume. Also, the sound is deeper and more booming than usual, possibly because the fat in the milk lubricates the vocal folds just right (just a theory).

The most boring thing in the world

I suspect that the I've discovered the answer to the question that's been plagueing mankind for ages: what is the most boring thing in the world? It'ssss... ta-dah... the weather report!

Or then, possibly, the weather report is very interesting, but for some reason, my brain just rejects it. I have very good concentration capabilities, to the point of being autistic (sometimes, in my wife's opinion), but when the weather report comes on in TV, my brain just immediately shuts off. I see it, but it just doesn't register. If somebody asks me what they just forecasted for tomorrow, I can't tell.

I don't actually know if the weather report is the boringest thing ever. I don't begin to yawn or anything, the information just flows right through. To me it always looks exactly the same: there's always the map of the country I happen to live in, some arrows, numbers and stuff. And then there's a person explaining something. Actually, I don't just blank out during weather reports, I usually start to think about the presenter. For some reason I like to think whether they're hot or not. Even though they're a guy. And this is not U.S.A, where, I hear, they usually have some presentable, scantily clad female meteorologists. I usually follow the news on the national broadcasting channel where the meteorologists are always fully dressed, very matter-of-fact and often blokes.

And I'm not sure why you should have weather reports anyway, at least so often. I usually don't seem to find the connection between the forecast presented on the night before and the weather in the morning when I look out the window. Or, actually, how could I, if I can't comprehend what they are forecasting in real-time, much less remember it the next day?

And anyway, if the weather tomorrow is really expected to differ significantly from the weather now, it's told in the actual news, isn't it? Well, for me, it doesn't really matter so much. I'm going to take the bicycle to work in the morning anyway. Unless it's the end of the world. In that case, I'll just go back to bed.

Solution

Being the most popular blog writer in Finland (having at least 6 verified dedicated followers) and a somewhat sane person nevertheless (possessing hardly any delusions of grandeur, for example), I'm often called in, by the Finnish government, to solve severe domestic and/or international emergencies.

As is the case today with the economic situation in Greece. The prime minister of Finland (and a very dear friend of mine) lately asked me to find a solution to this severe crisis, that is actually threatening the very basis of EU, or whatever. So, here's my proposition.

First, some background.

Greek culture, philosophy, literature, music, sports and cuisine has been renowned for millenia. The mediterranean climate is very nice.

Finland has been populated by humans for several centuries, could also be more, it's hard to tell because no-one cares. The people have always lived in huts and tents without chimneys (so the smoke from the fire comes in), in arctic conditions, surviving mostly on bark and pinecones, and occasionally on small forest animals, if they're lucky. Favourite pastimes in Finland consist of drinking moonshine and battering peers with birch logs. Oh yeah, and in the recent years there's been the success story of Finnish hi-tech and Nokia.

So, it seems to me, that the Greek have had it easy, sipping wine and eating gyros by the mediterranean sea, for thousands of years, and now they're screwed. Meanwhile, we, the Finnish, have suffered miserably, but somehow we're doing ok, financially.

My proposition is simple: let's swap countries. The Greek move to Finland, the Finnish move to Greece. In addition, the Greek get to keep Nokia so they can sell it to pay for their huge national debt. This OK by you, Matti?

Man, I can't wait to get to the seaside, to lift my feet up and have some gyros and Retsina. I'm totally sick of having pinecones for breakfast, then skiing to work in the -42°C frost, while being chased by a hungry pack of wolves, each morning.

Self-actualization

I got to be alone at home today, which is a rare occasion these days. I sat on the couch, turned heavy metal music on the stereo to 11 (Viimeinen Atlantis by Stam1na), sat there for a while and thought to myself: "Wow, this is something else: I can actually hear myself think".

Of course, the first thought that I could hear was "I want some peanuts", but after getting the peanuts, I found out that there is a desire in me to practice arts and/or crafts.

I had a sudden craving to go to the backyard, pile all the snow in one place (there's lots of it, it's a record winter) and mould the pile into a sculpture of some kind. At the same time, I wanted to paint/draw/play the guitar/do some woodwork/build a shed. I experienced a spontaneous surge of creativity.

Knowing that I had just a couple of hours of time before the rest of the family got back home again, I rummaged frantically around the household, trying to find some arts and crafts equipment. I considered carving a sword for the kid out of a plank, but doing it in the yard in the snow, in an hour, seemed a bit extreme. So, I managed to find a pencil, a pencil sharpener and some paper, sat down and drew a Fiat 500 out of memory:


Endearing, isn't it.

Having let out most of the steam, I got a mirror and attempted a self-portrait. It turned out that photorealism isn't my forté. The portrait was scarier than I assume myself to appear. Or then my assumption of the scariness of my appearance is simply wrong. Yikes. Or then again, perhaps I should practice drawing more than once in a decade.

I did manage to crock up my (working) life in a series of croquis drawings, however:



But how come this sudden burst of self-expression? At work, even though I do things that other people tell me to do, I get to decide a lot about how the things are done. So, in my opinion, I get to express, or actualize, if you will, myself a lot. Also, my choice of rather bicycling to/from work instead of taking the bus is a form of self-expression of some kind.

I don't know, but I suspect that I got a spark from the music I mentioned in the beginning. Viimeinen Atlantis, by Stam1na, was released this week, 10.2.2010. Already it's been hailed as one of the best metal records of all time, the best Finnish record ever et cetera, and I fully agree. So, I just find it astonishing that a relatively unknown group coming from a small Finnish village creates this epic record that will probably do more for the benefit of eco-awareness than Greenpeace ever could (at least in Finland). At least it did that for me.

I'll do that snow sculpture tomorrow with my kid. Who knows, maybe we'll get a creative outburst and it will be the epic snow sculpture of all time.

Specification

Today I was in a meeting with... oh wait, they might be reading this someday.

Start again. Uhhh... yesterday, a good friend of mine, who just happens to look like me, and who, purely by coincidence, possesses lots of characteristics not dissimilar to the ones possessed by yours truly, might I mention, for example, modesty, charisma and almost a superhuman quality in the highly esteemed general area of... oh wait, I digress. (Heh heh. The suckers won't be able to prove anything now with this legalese in place.)

Anyway. The friend, who works in an unnamed company, that is not actually in the software business, but whose business revolves around a huge, custom-built software application, was in a meeting with the business people. Now, this company, as unnamed as it is, is still learning a thing or two about software development, so they're not actually "mature" as defined by the CMMI model. In fact, they might still be on the scarcely mentioned "using Etch-A-Sketch for a laptop & occasional cannibalism at status meetings" level. In this company, the functional specification for the custom software is not written by professional functional specification writers. Instead it's written by the business people. People who aren't trained to write specifications.

So, anyway, some coder was in a meeting with some business people who write the specs. He asked the business people a question about the software, about how a certain detail should be implemented and if they could provide a document listing all the ways how a certain set of properties should be determined in any given situation. It was a quite a complicated piece of functionality, and the business guy who answered did it by saying "well, I don't know how it should go".

Now, let's pause for a second. Then let's think of the ramifications of that answer. We're implementing software. We're doing it because we need to have a part of the business logic of the company automated, to be handled by computers and software. We need to have it automated mostly because it is not feasible anymore to have certain things, like calculating lots and lots of data, done by humans. Otherwise the company could not exist in the present day competition in the specific business segment. So, what do we actually make the software do? These days, software can do amazing things. Things you wouldn't have dreamed about just 10 years ago. Just take a look at some of the products provided, free, by Google. What do we implement with all the cool technology we have now?

We implement the things the business experts tell us to do. They give us the specifications and then we implement them. Then, the testers verify that the software functions as specified. Then the, users learn to use the functionality by reading the manual, which is derived from the spec. Then, they actually start to use the system in the production environment.

Now, what happens, if the spec isn't there, or isn't detailed enough, or isn't written down in a clear format? What happens is that there is a vague assumption, or in fact, a huge number of vague assumptions, floating around the project about whatever the project is supposed to implement. The coders will interpret it each in their own individual way, the testers will interpret everything individually as well and the users will complain a lot, mess up whatever it is possible to mess up in the application and even stop using the application and continue to rub two pieces of wood together in order to light a fire, metaphorically speaking, if they can.

If there isn't a detailed spec, the coder can write just about anything and it will all be equally good or bad. If the spec says "build a messaging system", the system could spit random insults to the user and the app would still be perfect according to the requirements.

If the spec isn't there, the testers will make a lot of assumptions of how the app should work, and issue bugs of anything they don't like. A lot of arguing will ensue about whether or not the functionality is correct. A huge number of man/woman hours will be wasted.

If the spec isn't there, how will you construct a building? "Well, I suppose it's gotta have some floors? 3 or 20? Anybody couldn't want more than 45. And some windows, you gotta have those. And a radiator to keep it warm, or should we have two? Never mind, we'll make it up as we go." I tell you, software is a lot more complex than a building. And yet, software is being built without decent planning.

Now, let's get back to the innocent "I don't know" uttered by the guy who should know. In my perspective, he's the guy who should know. Everything. And if he actually doesn't know something, he should find it out. And if this isn't possible, he should still write the spec, with the best assumption, and possibly with a comment saying that there is some uncertainty involving the subject and detailing everything that is known about it at the moment. Yeah, I'm a Nazi. But it's cute when I do it! And we can change it later, when we know more about it. But it's still vital to document everything about the known, and unknown issues.

In a software project involving about 3 people or more, you've got to have a decent spec. If the spec is not written & pictured, everyone involved will picture their own mental model. You picture a balloon, that guy sees a pyramid, that jerk over there is imagining a train speeding into a tunnel, I see a monkey with five asses. The results won't be pretty if the goal is not synchronized, and everything would be a lot cheaper & faster if you knew what you're trying to build from the beginning. I tell you, the spec is just as important as the code.

Random writing

Hey, even though I've been kind of a silent lately, I can still write! Just look at this, these are clearly words, arent't they? And you're entertained, aren't you? You must admit that you just clicked the bookmark, thinking along the lines of "oh, the old bastard hasn't published in 4 months, he's not gonna do it now, might as well erase the bookmark, what am I doing anyway, might as well do something useful with my life", didn't you?

And then you were exhilarated that there actually was a new post after an incohembresingly... indchoret.. wtf... incomb... (damn, am I that drunk already?) incomprehensibly long period of dryness. Well, honestly, I'm sorry that I ever caused your life to be miserable, and I'll try to make it up by writing something even though I haven't much to say. Hopefully, my superior writing skills will make it all up.

So, in lieu of an actual subject, I'd thought I'd just click on a random Wikipedia article, and then write about what comes up. Let's see what happens.

1) Self-averaging

Ahem. Physics. Anyway, I'll have to make the link open in a new window first, then I can concentrate on the writing. This was, like, a test.

2) Maratha light infantry

Erm. You ever wonder about the word "infantry"? You know, infant == child, so what the hell is an infantry? A childry? Otherwise, thinking about an Indian army makes me think of Indiana Jones and eating of monkey brains.

3) Raunds Co-operative Society

They tell me that "The society operated a large supermarket and a department store in Raunds, and as of 2007 held 350 acres (1.4 km2) of farmland at Northdale Farm, farming wheat and oilseed rape. [2] It had 4,297 members in 2003.[3] It was a subscriber to the Co-operative Party and a customer member (shareholder) of the Co-operative Wholesale Society."

Well, that's just neat, you're co-operating and stuff. Oh boy, I didn't know the wikipedia is this boring. Next, please!

4) Les Riggs

Oh, who? A footballer? Spare me. I wonder if there's anything more boring than ancient sports statistics. Have you noticed that whenever you google up a person's name, most of the search results are local sports statistics? And in any sports event, there are always enough people participating to ensure that the first & last name combination you are searching for is included. Google should have an option for filtering out sports results.

5) The Defuser

A fictional character portrayed in a reality show? What?

Ok, I'm going to have to skip some entries, these are just impossible. I'll rule out actual persons that I've never heard of. And then some. The Wikipedia is just too large.

6) Beppi's restaurant

Good for you, Beppi. You got yourself a restaurant. Even though the location is somewhat unfortunate. I hear that in a couple of decades, it will be unbearably warm over there, so you'll have to move.

7) Advanced Pico Beena

Wow. A computer for Japanese kids. Hopefully it's better than the Rölli "laptop" for kids we have in Finland. Which is a product I just can't understand for two reasons:
1) Rölli is a troll living in in the forest. What's he got to do with computers? If he'd find one he'd probably try to eat it, or throw it in the lake.
2) The computer has got a screen of about the size of a stamp, wrapped in a mound of plastic of about the size of a real laptop. The functionality is worse than of a 90's cell phone. Who's buying these things? Oh yeah, the elderly, the grandparents. I know that they mean well, but it's us, the parents who have to go throw these environmental hazards in the lake. I don't enjoy it any more than you do, except when I hit an endangered sea bird square in the forehead, but what can I do. Can't let the offspring get used to an inferior UI. Might be detrimental to their career later.

8) Mothers against decantaplegic homolog 4

Apparently, scientists have a sense of humour, or something resembling it:
"The phrase "Mothers against" was added since mothers often form organizations opposing various issues eg. Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD)."

And the pic is nice too.
9) Electricity and Gas Regulation Commission

It's probably the best for everyone that they have these commissions for regulating whatnot. If they didn't, everyone would just go crazy, spending gas and electricity like silly. Actually, there was a situation like this in our household lately. I was going to use common funds to purchase an Xbox. My finger was already on the right button on the mouse, the pointer of which was already on the "Submit" button of the online shop, but the commission overruled my decision to click in the last minute. Which is, probably, good for all of us, in the long run.

10) Knowie

Knowie is an area of some kind in Poland, apparently. I rode around Poland on a motorcycle in the 90's. On the trip I learned that the roads in Poland are uneven, and once I bought petrified bread from a shop that apparently sold edible commodities. I also learned that you've got to be careful when opening the radiator cap if the motor is still hot. Luckily no-one got hurt.

Yet more things

Lately, I've come to love two things: the new thing that is there and the old thing that isn't there anymore.

I bought a new thing that I love, a bicycle. A good one. One that's made out of carbon fiber. I love it a lot. I'm very satisfied that it's sitting there in the corner.

Then I sold some things that I never used. Guitar effects, a synth, a motorcycle. Now, I feel relieved that they aren't there anymore, clogging up the cupboards and gathering dust under the bed. It felt like taking a big dump. I'd like to have the minimal amount of stuff I can survive with. But quality stuff.