The eternal struggle: excellence vs. mediocrity

I don't mean to brag, but I've accomplished a lot so far. To name but a few of the things, in a rough chronological order, during my lifetime, I've learned

• to breathe
• to eat
• to scream
• to walk
• to talk
• to trust
• to oppose
• to use the toilet for business
• to ride the bike
• to make fire
• to draw
• to read
• to write
• to count
• to question authority
• to climb trees
• to fish
• to carve wood
• to know lots of trivia, parrot-style
• to drive
• to play guitar
• to drink alcohol
• to question the meaning of it all (= 42)
• to burp real loud
• to socialize a bit
• to fall in love
• to fall out of love
• to carve wood better
• to do mathematics
• to understand computer science
• to commit
• to really ride the bike
• to understand children a bit
• to understand relatives a bit
• to know some of the aforementioned trivia better
• to cook
• to socialize slightly better
• to not worry so much and to not fear life in general.

Of course, there's a lot that's excluded from that list. There's a lot that should be included. Some things I might have understood for a while, then forgotten them again. There are dark periods in my life I'd rather not think about.

There's a huge number of things that everybody has to learn just to survive in the modern society. Even dropping out of it requires one to know of several complex systems.

What I'm trying to get at is that I'm a general purpose guy. I'm good or adequate at a lot of things. I can survive OK in the modern society. I cook pretty good. I do well by doing whatever the hell it is that I do for a living. I can mow the lawn, I can plow the snow, I can raise my kids according to the modern standards.

It's just that I'd like to excel in something. During the fifty years or so that have been my life I've already wanted to be a kick-ass

• scientist
• veterinarian
• interpreter
• architect
• guitarist
• composer
• hobo
• programmer
• writer
• Mad Max
• parent
• bicyclist.

You know, I'd really like to make a mark. I'd like to be in history. Even though I think that typically, the life of a human is the life of a worker drone, I'd like to be really good at something.

But there's a conflict of interests here. In order to do well in the society, and to be a good parent, I have to be a general purpose guy. In order to be really fucking good at something I'd have to devote myself to it. Then there'd be no time for anything else, and everything else would be blatantly disregarded.

I'm not even sure of the criteria based on which excellence should be defined, because there are several. For instance, when can I consider myself an excellent programmer?

• If I manage to make lots of money?
• If I get worldwide recognition as an expert?
• If I get a relatively small, but very devoted following?
• If I get mentioned in Wikipedia?

Ok, any one of these would do. In fact, what I'd like the best would perhaps to become (not too well) known as the inventor of some small thing. An algorithm or sumt'n. Like the Duff of Duff's device. And it wouldn't hurt to make a lot of money while doing so. I guess that would make me happy, at least for a while. It's just that you can't force invention. You either invent something or you don't. It's pretty much like composing music. You just tinker on with something, and suddenly, something materializes out of thin air, and after lots of further tinkering, may become something worthy. So, while waiting for that something to materialize out of thin air, I'll just have to go on tinkering away on everyday stuff just like a regular nobody.

Oh well, this turned out to be a mediocre blog post. Hopefully, excellence will ensue, if I just practice enough, so please, bear with me.