What's new and improved in Die Vater-Maschine 2.0:
- added 60 % more infinite patience
- reduced methane emissions 21 % (actual level of emissions may vary depending on sauerkraut, beer and bean consumption)
- reduced addiction to alcohol 17 % (actual level of addiction may vary depending on company, time of year and level of existential angst)
- reduced amount of hair 37.85 % to improve aerodynamic capabilities
- reinforced back and leg skeleton to optimize functionality related to bending over and picking up things
- enhanced dexterity and strength in order to improve capabilities related to jumping through hoops, dragging sledges filled with stones and coaxing cooked spaghetti through keyholes
- enhanced voice emulator, which now supports four tones: normal, loving, silly and enraged
- reduced shame-feeling capabilities: Die Vater-Maschine is now virtually unembarrassable
- added skin greasiness for improved weather endurance
- increased wallet thickness for better family sustainment capabilities
- quad core processor allows simultaneous processing of instructions from four different sources: wife, child #1, child #2 and TV
- automatic backup functionality enables functioning even while interrupted continually (provided that interruption interval > 30 seconds)
- increased maturity lessens likelihood of mishaps with sawn-off shotgun
- new Man-Poodle™ software sensitivity system accommodates for better consideration of the feelings of the wife.
